Today Now
Welcome back to Today Now.
You know, I just love cleaning
my kitchen.
And what makes for a cleaner
looking kitchen
than a freshly waxed floor.
That's true, but, you know,
it could be a little bit more difficult
to do that than
just plain mopping.
However, the shine
is absolutely brilliant,
and it can last
for weeks.
And our next guest is here to
show us how to do it right.
Jerry Bloom, author of
"Floor Waxing, the Do's and Don't's
You Absolutely Must
Not Forget"
Hi, Jerry.
- Hi. It's great to be here.
Thanks for joining us.
Jerry, I think this floor
looks a little dull.
Let's give it a good wax.
How do we get started?
- Okay, first side Jim and Tracey,
the thing I really
wanna stress is safety.
Okay. You don't want to wear
slippery shoes.
Put on a pair of
work shoes, - Okay.
or a pair of tennis shoes,
in the very least. - Okay.
Wearing a pair of ten year old loafers
with no treds is definitely a bad idea.
Okay, so everybody
hear that?
We got our safety shoes on,
now what?
Okay, just apply a very thin
layer of wax.
You want to avoid any pools
because that can do nothing
but increase the possibility
of an awkward fall
that will change the way
you look at the world
and the world
looks at you.
Oh, that's a good tip.
What's next, Jerry?
Okay. Could you hand me
that rag, please?
Oh, here. Sure. Absolutely.
- Thanks.
There you go.
- There we go.
Now, if you do wax yourself
into a corner,
try and not jump over the wax floor
into the hallway.
No jumping.
- Oh.
But if you do jump, try and avoid
missing the floor
by several feet and falling backwards
into the counter.
And if you do fall backwards,
try and avoid
severing your fifth
thoracic vertebrae,
because that's one of the ones that
controls most of the body functions
you take for granted every day.
It looks like we're getting a little anatomy
lesson here. - The ones you don't truly
appreciate until they're gone.
- I hope you guys are all getting these
wonderful tips we're hearing here
this morning. - Now if you do
sever the fifth thoracic
vertebrae, make sure
that while you're laying
on your back
staring up at the ceiling
for five hours
waiting for someone
to find you,
don't start blaming your
misfortune on your wife.
Oh, that would be difficult for
me to do, wouldn't it?
Even if it was her job to wax the floor
but she asked you to do it instead.
So, really, it is her fault
that you're now trapped
in a prison-like body.
- Jerry, it's so great you do this.
But this can only lead to
resentment,
which will ultimately lead to
an ugly divorce,
and some of the loneliest, darkest
years of your life. - Okay.
Alright, Jerry I tell ya, most men
don't even know
how to load a dishwasher.
- Oh, come on!
That's not true.
- It is too.
Hey, Jerry. Give me that mop.
Let me show her
that I know how to push the
mop around the floor.
No, no, no, I can do it.
- No, no, no, no really.
I gotta prove to Tracey that I'm not
some male chauvinist.
No, no, no. It's all I can...
- Let me have the...
No. This is all that I have.
Get away.
Jerry Bloom, everyone.
Now you stay right where you are
because coming up,
after the commercial break,
we're gonna find out
which one of these eight children
who needs a heart transplant
is actually gonna get one.
Stay with us.
Still Ahead This Hour...
Turning your fallout shelter into a sex dungeon.
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