via @TheOnion - Human Head Found In Hamburger
"HUMAN HEAD FOUND IN HAMBURGER"
Original: Carol Kolb. Idea: Curtis Gwinn
THIS DRAFT: 4/5/07 (CLK with * Scott comments)
NOTE: Scott says "we should get real people to answer real
questions outside a real Burger King and we'll get gold."
INT. ONION NEWS STUDIO
STOCK FOOTAGE: Customers eating at Burger King.
STOCK FOOGAGE: Uniformed Burger King workers working.
ANCHOR
A Burger King customer in Albany,
NY got more than he bargained for
with his lunch yesterday.
LOWER THIRDS: DEVELOPING STORY / FAST FOOD SNAFU / ALBANY, NY
B-ROLL: Shots of the Burger King interior.
ANCHOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Carl Emerson, a local electrician,
was surprised to find a human head
stuck between the buns of his
Double Whopper cheeseburger.
EXT. BURGER KING - DAY
B-ROLL: CARL EMERSON - white, mid-30s, average seeming guy -
talks to a throng of REPORTERS.
NOTE: This could be in front on the sidewalk or in an
adjacent parking lot. The only important thing is we have to
be able to see a BK sign.
CARL EMERSON
I took a bite and I was like, this
isn't right. So I took the bun off
and right there's a face looking up
at me.
GRAPHIC: 3D graphic of human head between burger buns.
ON SCREEN TEXT: Artist's Rendering.
*ALTERNATE:
B-ROLL: The head in the burger, lying open on a Burger King
table. Flashbulbs pop.
ANCHOR (V.O.)
Emerson said he has no plan to take
legal action against the franchise--
which he called his favorite fast
food restaurant-- but is curious to
find out how the eight pound head
found its way into his sandwich.
**ALTERNATE:
ANCHOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Emerson said he will keep going to
Burger King, but is curious to find
out how the eight pound head ended
up in his sandwich.
**ALTERNATE:
ANCHOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Emerson said he eats at Burger King
about once a week, and this is the
first time he's found a head in his
burger.
EXT. BURGER KING PARKING LOT
SHONDRA WILSON - black, early 20s - speaks to reporters.
LOWER THIRD: Shondra Wilson / Burger King Manager
MANAGER
We've told our employees that if
anyone has information about the
head or knows someone who is
missing a head, they should come
forward and tell us. So far, no one
has said anything.
**ALTERNATE:
MANAGER (CONT'D)
We keep a clean kitchen. I have no
idea how this happened.
**ALTERNATE:
MANAGER (CONT'D)
We've been getting lots of prank
calls since people heard about it.
B-ROLL: Sign that says, "Do not Cook Burgers Heavier Than ONE
POUND. See Manager First."
B-ROLL: An employee slicing something on a big food-service
slicer.
ANCHOR (V.O.)
Some suspect the head was
introduced into the sandwich at the
factory where Burger King's beef
patties are produced. Police,
however, say it was probably
slipped in while in the
restaurant's kitchen, due to the
head's placement between the
lettuce and the tomato of the
burger.
INT. ONION NEWS STUDIO
ANCHOR
Next up...
** ALTERNATES FOR PARKING LOT:
**ALTERNATES:
CUSTOMER
I'm not concerned. This place seem
real clean. I've never found so
much as a hair in my food here
myself.
CUSTOMER (CONT'D)
I can't wait to tell everyone back
at work about this.
CUSTOMER (CONT'D)
It makes you wonder what's gonna
happen next.
CUSTOMER (CONT'D)
Me? I don't have any idea where it
came from. But someone's probably
looking for it.
PREVIOUSLY POSTED DRAFT:
"HUMAN HEAD FOUND IN HAMBURGER"
Original: Carol Kolb. Idea: Curtis Gwinn
THIS DRAFT: 4/5/07 (CLK with * Scott comments)
NOTE: Scott says "we should get real people to answer real
questions outside a real Burger King and we'll get gold."
INT. ONION NEWS STUDIO
STOCK FOOTAGE: Customers eating at Burger King.
STOCK FOOGAGE: Uniformed Burger King workers working.
ANCHOR
A Burger King customer in Albany,
NY got more than he bargained for
with his lunch yesterday.
LOWER THIRDS: DEVELOPING STORY / FAST FOOD SNAFU / ALBANY, NY
B-ROLL: Shots of the Burger King interior.
ANCHOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Carl Emerson, a local electrician,
was surprised to find a human head
stuck between the buns of his
Double Whopper cheeseburger.
EXT. BURGER KING - DAY
B-ROLL: CARL EMERSON - white, mid-30s, average seeming guy -
talks to a throng of REPORTERS.
NOTE: This could be in front on the sidewalk or in an
adjacent parking lot. The only important thing is we have to
be able to see a BK sign.
CARL EMERSON
I took a bite and I was like, this
isn't right. So I took the bun off
and right there's a face looking up
at me.
GRAPHIC: 3D graphic of human head between burger buns.
ON SCREEN TEXT: Artist's Rendering.
*ALTERNATE:
B-ROLL: The head in the burger, lying open on a Burger King
table. Flashbulbs pop.
ANCHOR (V.O.)
Emerson said he has no plan to take
legal action against the franchise--
which he called his favorite fast
food restaurant-- but is curious to
find out how the eight pound head
found its way into his sandwich.
**ALTERNATE:
ANCHOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Emerson said he will keep going to
Burger King, but is curious to find
out how the eight pound head ended
up in his sandwich.
**ALTERNATE:
ANCHOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Emerson said he eats at Burger King
about once a week, and this is the
first time he's found a head in his
burger.
EXT. BURGER KING PARKING LOT
SHONDRA WILSON - black, early 20s - speaks to reporters.
LOWER THIRD: Shondra Wilson / Burger King Manager
MANAGER
We've told our employees that if
anyone has information about the
head or knows someone who is
missing a head, they should come
forward and tell us. So far, no one
has said anything.
**ALTERNATE:
MANAGER (CONT'D)
We keep a clean kitchen. I have no
idea how this happened.
**ALTERNATE:
MANAGER (CONT'D)
We've been getting lots of prank
calls since people heard about it.
B-ROLL: Sign that says, "Do not Cook Burgers Heavier Than ONE
POUND. See Manager First."
B-ROLL: An employee slicing something on a big food-service
slicer.
ANCHOR (V.O.)
Some suspect the head was
introduced into the sandwich at the
factory where Burger King's beef
patties are produced. Police,
however, say it was probably
slipped in while in the
restaurant's kitchen, due to the
head's placement between the
lettuce and the tomato of the
burger.
INT. ONION NEWS STUDIO
ANCHOR
Next up...
** ALTERNATES FOR PARKING LOT:
**ALTERNATES:
CUSTOMER
I'm not concerned. This place seem
real clean. I've never found so
much as a hair in my food here
myself.
CUSTOMER (CONT'D)
I can't wait to tell everyone back
at work about this.
CUSTOMER (CONT'D)
It makes you wonder what's gonna
happen next.
CUSTOMER (CONT'D)
Me? I don't have any idea where it
came from. But someone's probably
looking for it.
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