POT PIES (SHOOTING)
O-SPAN - OTHER PRESS CONFERENCE
Idea: Sam Kemmis, Script: Jack Kukoda
This Draft 10/17 (CLK)
INT. PRESS CONFERENCE
The FDA SPOKESMAN stands behind a podium with the "Food
and Drug Administration" seal on it.
FDA SPOKESMAN
Good afternoon. For those of you
who weren't at the morning
briefing, let me get everyone up
to speed on where we're at. As of
two o'clock Eastern Time today,
the United States Food and Drug
Administration issued a Class 1
product recall of all pot pies
sold within the last 5 days. We
have reason to believe that these
savory food items may pose
numerous health risks to
consumers. Therefore, we are
instructing all U.S. citizens who
are in possession of one or more
pot pies to send them to FDA
headquarters, attention FDA panel
conference room, by no later than
6:30 p.m. That address is 5600
Fishers Lane, Rockville, Maryland.
For those in the greater DC metro
area, we strongly urge you to
personally transport the pot pies
to us. They need to reach us as
soon as possible, so we can
inspect them this evening. I'll
now take your questions.
REPORTER #1
Are the pot pies affected by this
recall from a specific company or
manufacturer?
FDA SPOKESMAN
This recall affects a wide variety
of pot pies from many different
companies. It does not matter what
kind of pot pies they are.
What does matter, according to the
technical directives of the
recall, is those pot pies arrive
at FDA headquarters piping hot. In
addition, it is imperative that
all pie crusts be of a flaky
consistency and of a golden brown
color. Again, this is for safety
reasons.
REPORTER #1
Without knowledge of which
specific brands are affected, how
can consumers know which pot pies
to are being recalled?
FDA SPOKESMAN
(interrupting)
Okay, here's a small portion of
the pot pies we're recalling --
Swanson's All-white meat Chicken
Pot Pies, Country Kitchen's Deep
Dish Hearty Helping Turkey Pot
Pies, Marie Callendar's Yankee Pot
Pies, Fresh Direct Southwestern
Beef Pot Pies-- well, I'll make
the full list available to you.
But it's best for consumers not to
take any chances and assume that a
pot pie is on the list. Quite
simply, if you have a pot pie in
your possession, send it to us
immediately.
(remembering
something)
Oh, but spinach and mushroom pot
pies are not included in the
recall, please do not send those.
Yes?
REPORTER #2
Why specifically are the pot pies
being recalled?
FDA SPOKESMAN
(ignoring)
As I said, it's a safety issue. It
is also vital that forks and
napkins be sent with each pot pie.
REPORTER #2
What are the forks for?
FDA SPOKESMAN
They are part of the inspection
process. We don't want to burn our
hands when handling the pies.
An AIDE comes up and whispers in FDA SPOKESMAN's ear.
FDA SPOKESMAN (CONT'D)
Okay, I've just been informed that
a very serious cookie-related
health matter has just been
brought to our attention. The FDA
is now also issuing an urgent
Class I recall of Nabisco brand
Oreo sandwich cookies. In addition
we are issuing a separate recall
of 20,000 gallons of refreshing,
ice-cold milk. Whole milk. Not
skim or two percent. Any further
questions? Okay then, we would
like to urge the nation not to
call the FDA from 7:00 to
approximately 9:00. We will be
busy testing the pot pies, and it
would be rude for you to interrupt
us.
END.
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