Liechtenstein Found to Have One Tiny Nuke
Script/Idea: Lang Fisher
This draft: v.5. SD 1-18
INT. ONION NEWS STUDIO
GRAPHICS: A map of Europe. Liechtenstein is represented by a
tiny red dot. Zoom way, way in to see that the dot is marked
with an atomic symbol.
ANCHOR
The UN security council remains on
high alert following yesterday
morning's announcement that the
tiny nation of Liechtenstein has
successful tested a very, very
small nuclear weapon.
GRAPHICS: Zoom in once more to a city map of Vaduz, with
names of farms on it and a windmill, with a teeny yellow dot
surrounded by two shock waves labeled as the "Blast Site."
ANCHOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The 200-milligram warhead was
reportedly detonated at a testing
site thirty-five inches outside of
the city of Vaduz. The statement
was confirmed by radiation tests in
the area.
CUT TO:
EXT. WOODED AREA
B-ROLL: Shot from a distance -- of an inspector in a
hazardous materials suit sweeping the ground with a Geiger
counter.
CLOSE UP: The needle of the counter barely bumps up past
.001.
Tiny sound effect: "Boop."
INSPECTOR
Yep. (or just silent thumbs up and
nod)
CUT TO:
EXT. RESEARCH FACILITY (ALSO IN WOODED AREA)
B-ROLL: A gingerbread house.
CHYRON: Liechtenstein Nuclear Research Facility
ANCHOR (V.O.)
UN weapons inspectors found one
additional warhead inside
Lichtenstein's nuclear research
facility last March, which they
confiscated.
B-ROLL: 3 uniformed inspectors carry out a tiny nuclear
weapon. 5 extras serve as police, lawyers and press.
ANCHOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Though Liechtenstein has no history
of aggressive activity, some in the
security establishment are urging
immediate action.
CUT TO:
INT. THINK TANK OFFICE
Interview with UN Security Advisor.
CHYRON: Anita Rowland, UN Security Advisor
SECURITY ADVISOR
There is legitimate concern that
Lichtenstein's itty-bitty bombs
could fall into the hands of little
people.
CUT TO:
FOOTAGE: Bush signing treaty on table, surrounded by
dignataries.
CUT TO:
INT. SIGNING TABLE
E.C.U. of Bush's hand signing tiny, tiny piece of paper.
CUT TO:
INT. ONION NEWS STUDIO
ANCHOR (V.O.)
Earlier this year President Bush
signed a nuclear non-proliferation
treaty with Lichtenstein.
ANCHOR (CONT'D)
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