via @TheOnion - Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar
Our next guest is a
true American hero,
and he's only
eight years old.
Last week, Lucas Armitage
bravely defended his family
and his home when he
stopped an intruder all by himself.
Just from using his Daddy's gun.
- That's right.
And Lucas and his Dad Jack are
with us in the studio this morning.
Good morning to both of you.
- Hi guys. - Good morning Tracy.
Now Lucas can you tell
us what happened?
I heard the noise,
and I got up from bed,
and went into the kitchen
where my Dad keeps the gun.
So you found it all by yourself,
right?
I take it out a lot,
sometimes I just look at it.
So it was a burglar wasn't it Lucas,
he was trying to steal things?
He looked hungry,
and when he saw I had the gun,
he put his hands up and said,
"Please don't shoot me."
But you didn't listen to him,
did you?
I knew it would be easy to shoot him,
just aim and pull the trigger.
And that's exactly what you did,
right?
You shot him in the leg didn't you?
You put one right through
the knee cap, right?
Yeah it was like, "bang," really
loud and he fell down screaming,
and there was lots of blood.
Lucas you really are a hero,
- He started crying and crying,
and I shot him in the back.
- Yeah.
You must be so proud of your son,
Jack.
Of course, who wouldn't be?
- And then he stood up and I shot him,
"bang, bang, bang!"
- Well that's one crook that's not
going to breaking in
to anybody else's home is he.
Yeah, he wouldn't stop talking,
so then I shot his jaw off.
Well how did you
manage to do that Lucas?
Either you shoot at
the temples and pull down,
or you shoot
at the skull wall.
That's the weakest part of the skull,
he's right.
That's very sophisticated knowledge, there.
- But then I started,
then he starts going,
- Yeah right.
And then I shot off each one of his
fingers and then he stopped screaming.
So Jack it was the
screaming you heard
that woke you up so
you called the police.
No, no actually it was Lucas
laughing that woke me up.
I had never heard the
kid laugh so hard.
There was blood all over.
Yeah he smeared it
all over himself.
Really?
- I liked the way the blood made me feel.
Oh, now your school gave you
a special award for courage, right?
We have a photograph of
that award ceremony,
let's take a look.
Oh Lucas you didn't
even change your shirt,
before you got your award!
Why would he change his
shirt, that's his honor shirt?
I wanted the blood.
- Yeah.
It must have been fun getting
that award at school, right?
I want the blood.
- Well he's gotten a little shy now.
Well Jack Armitage,
thanks so much for being here.
Lucas, thank you
for your heroic work.
Absolutely, now you
stick with us,
because after the break,
some warning signs that your pet
may be a CIA mole.
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