The nation's leading manufacturer
of ammunitions Steel Hawk Incorporated
announced a massive recall today
of jacketed hollow-point bullets
which may not properly shred
the internal organs of victims.
When functioning normally
the tip of a hollow-point bullet
shatters into fragments then
cuts a wide and jagged path
through the tissue
and bone of its target,
but due to a factory error
nearly 1
with solid points were
shipped to retail stores
resulting in a greatly reduced
capability to explode flesh.
Steel Hawk CEO John Cullen announced the
recall at a press conference this morning.
At Steel Hawk nothing is more important
to us than the complete satisfaction
of our customers when they maim or kill.
Some of these defective bullets
can leave an exit wound as small
as a plum. That is unacceptable.
According to the information
released by Steel Hawk
the first notice about the
defective bullets came from a man
who shot and killed his brother
during an altercation at a county fair
and was disappointed that
the victim's face remained
quote more or less intact.
Frank Ehrman was among
the hundreds of other
dissatisfied customers.
You know you spend good money
for a hollow point bullet
you expect it to explode the head
in a geyser of blood and brains.
You know if I wanted
to kill someone
without destroying the body
I'd use a hammer.
To address complaints like these
the company is also offering
discount coupons for its
newest product inferno bullets
bullets which start a small fire inside
of someone when you shoot them.
We understand that when our
customers shoot a man
they want to see his liquified organs
pour out of every hole in his body.
Give us another chance
we'll give you the
lung-shreddingest bullet
on the market.
Still the effort might not be
enough for many customers.
Those people over at Steel Hawk
ought to be shot in the face
in front of their families.
Many gun owners have said the
recall has been so frustrating
they will no longer use bullets
returning to more low tech methods
like beating victims with spiked clubs
or dragging them behind their cars.
Moving on Congress announced today
the long debated Darfur aid package
will be used for a Darfur
memorial instead.
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