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The Onion

I'm Gregory Dawson, filling in for Clifford Banes who's away protesting gay marriage. Today for the first time on In The Know we're giving viewers a chance at home, to agree or disagree with out panelists comments using the InstaPoll Tracker on our website. Panelists you'll see the live results, right here, in the studio. Let's get started. The dollar has posted incremental gains against both the Pound and the Euro in recent weeks, are things looking up for the US economy? Gregory, it's not that simple. First off, the value of the dollar is not a reliable indicator of our fiscal health, alright? There are a number of factors involved. Many of which will not become apparent for years to come. The long, short of it is that things are going to get bad before they get better. I actually don't think the situation is quite so grim. I think that the economy, actually, is on the rebound. - Yeah, I agree. You know, I don't believe in this gloom and doom stuff. I think that the future is very bright. You know, as long as we all pull up our boot straps... Just to clarify, I did not mean to say that the economy is in bad shape. But didn't you just say that you believe it will continue to get worse? I believe you said that. - Right. Technically. But what I meant to say, systematically... - You know, the real reason that the economy is doing better right now is because the hard working Americans... -Yes. -Right! ...that are out there. You know all of the smart, resilient, hard working Americans out there. Who is going to pay for all these government bailouts? - Yes! That's our children. Our poor, poor children. C. Terrance, is the average American losing faith in the economy? Well Gregory, when you come home I'll open your post office box and find a huge stack of bills. It's discouraging. Because bills are... ... such a discouraging... ...thing to find when you open your post office box. And that is not something a person wants to find when they open their post office box. Yes, in some ways... - Very true, PO Box. ...the economy is like the - Taking about the old PO box. ...post office box. I have several post office boxes. - Because post office box... It's a PO box. - Post office box. It's like the mailbox. - It's like... - Post office, box! Duncan, could you tell us some ways that you think the economy is doing badly, again? Well, I was actually discussing the economy with my good friend, the rapper, Kanye West. Who is a personal friend of mine. And we visit frequently. You know, I think you're taking what I said, earlier, out of context. What I meant to say was, that the economy can only be... ...spurred into... STILL AHEAD US DEPT OF OFFENSE ANNOUNCES PLAN TO INVADE SWEDEN.