via @TheOnion - Obama To Enter Diplomatic Talks With Raging Wildfire
In a bold move today,
President Obama announced
he will try to negotiate
with the raging wildfire,
which has so far burned over
14 thousand acres in California.
This morning, White House
Deputy Press Secretary, Brenda Inglett
announced the President is
confident he can convince
the flames to stop incinerating
everything in their path.
The President plans to make
the wildfire understand
that our difficulties are
shared difficulties.
Not man against fire.
But man and fire working
out their differences.
President Obama is already en route
to Santa Barbara County
where he will be shuttled into
the maw of the inferno.
Here to talk about what this
means is Jason Copeland
from politico.com.
- Hi Dan.
Jason, this fire has burned
over 3
It's growing larger by the hour.
What is Obama's strategy here?
- Well, look.
You know, previous administrations
have immediately resorted to
putting wildfires out.
But this is a different president.
And he just didn't think that
a combative approach
with hoses and axes would be
the best way to solve this crisis.
But Jason, so far the fire has
refused to acknowledge
any of the overtures the
President has made. - Yes.
Obama sent a letter requesting
it cease its destruction.
And the fire apparently incinerated
it without even reading it.
That's true.
But I mean, look.
Politically, this is a stroke
of genius, I think.
The most powerful man
in the world is offering
an olive branch to
this petulant fire
and the fire looked
pretty bad here.
Childish even, burning
it up like that.
And Obama is also going to
present the fire with a gift.
A charred table leg from
the White House
that was torched by the
British in the War of 1812?
That's exactly right.
As the President said in
a recorded statement,
"Fire has a complex, beautiful,
and at times, destructive history.
But we would be remiss
if we did not recognize
its unique ability to
create as well."
Yes. And that must have
been the idea behind
all of those photo ops with the
various fires over the past few days
while the wildfire was destroying
homes. - I think it was.
But Jason, Secretary of State,
Hillary Clinton's meeting
with the fire two days ago
was considered a total failure.
Well, it certainly didn't go well.
- And then there are a lot of conservatives
who aren't convinced we should
even be approaching the fire.
Here's what Wendell Mack
had to say
on his syndicated radio
show this morning.
Obama puts fire first.
You know, some people say,
"Wendell, you're crazy."
It's not like he gets up in
the morning and thinks,
"What can I do to help fire?"
Well, you know what, folks?
I'm not so sure he doesn't.
And what do you make
of that, Jason?
Well, look.
As Obama has said,
himself, numerous times,
if he wanted to, he could talk to
the clouds and get them to
unleash a great big rainstorm
upon the wildfire.
But that's not this president.
It's going to require all of the
President's diplomacy skills
to make the fire see
that putting itself out
is what's best for both parties.
- Alright.
Thank you Jason Copeland.
- Thank you Dan.
Later in the hour we'll look at the
rumors sweeping the internet
that Obama himself,
is born of fire.
Moving on, a new report
finds extra marital affairs
cause happiness in scientists.
STILL AHEAD:
U.S. SIGNS UP FOR DO NOT TERRORIZE
LIST TO STOP UNWANTED BOMBINGS.
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