Welcome back to the Financial Fallout
Shelter. As part of his plan to spur
economic growth by increasing national
productivity, President Obama began providing
jobs performance reviews for
every American citizen today.
The president scheduled the one-on-one
meetings to "take a problem solving approach
to everyone's workplace
behavior and identify
some areas for improvement
for every American."
The president just wants to touch
base with everyone
to make sure the country's on task with
regards to meeting the country's objectives.
Onion News Network reporter
Jane Carmichael joins us now from
the Economic Quarantine Zone.
Jane, now a lot of Americans are nervous
about their meeting with the president.
Can you give us a sense
of how these reviews will work?
- Sure. According to those
who have had their reviews already,
Obama relies heavily on the goals
Americans listed for themselves
on the self-evaluations
the president sent to everyone last month.
- Of course.
We've been getting video responses
on the Onion News Network
You-Report Website all morning.
He told me that I was
a valued member of the country.
And then he started talking about belt
tightening and doing more with less.
Yeah, the only part that threw me off
was when he asked me
how I thought he could improve.
I'm not positive, but I think he might
have fired me. He was really vague.
Jane, what is the exact goal
of these meetings?
Because the American people
are very busy as it is.
Well, President Obama says he wants to
help all Americans achieve.
So, he's challenging us
to visualize success.
And then he told a long story about a woman
who ran a marathon with prosthetic legs.
Now, Obama's ideas for increasing
the nation's productivity
extend past the interviews though.
- Yes.
For one, he keeps insisting that
the nation starts using Google Docs?
Yes, he says it will really
streamline everything.
OK, and most of us are aware
of his initiative to put giant,
inspirational posters up
around the country.
The first one went up on the Rocky Mountain
Range earlier this week, Jane.
And it's just beautiful. But not
everything is going so smoothly.
The big, mandatory team building retreat
plan for next weekend is facing difficulties.
Obama wanted to do a ropes course,
but it's proving harder than expected
to find one which can
accommodate 14
Well Jane, keep us updated on that weekend.
- Thanks Andrea.
Most Americans say, Obama was friendly,
but they prefer the old president
because he
"never gave a shit what we did".
Still Ahead: CHUCK E. CHEESE
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