The scientific community is buzzing
following the announcement that
archaeologists in Argentina
have uncovered the first complete skeleton
of the world's oldest
sexual predator.
According to the team of archaeologists,
the discovery of a full skeleton
of Pervatasaurus Leroy,
the first dinosaur species
known to stalk another
not for food,
but for sexual satisfaction,
could, "...shed light on any number
of mysteries surrounding
this ancient lecherous creature."
Joining us now from Argentina
is the lead paleontologist on the dig,
Andrew Vaughn.
- Hello.
Dr. Vaughn, the pervatasaurus
looks a bit like the Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Are the two related?
- Yes. They're both members
of the Therepod sub order,
but the pervatasaurus is smaller
and much, much creepier.
- Now, how did you and your team
make this monumental discovery.
- Oh, well, the skeleton was discovered
in a dank, subterranean cave
far away from any of the other
dinosaur fossils we excavated.
The large number of well
preserved footprints suggests
the pervatasaurus spent
the majority of its time
there in the cave, just pacing
back and forth alone.
So, it was basically a solitary creature.
- Oh, for the most part, yes.
The pervatasaurus seemed to only approach
other dinosaurs
when they were in large
groups,
which allowed the pervatasaurus to
stealthily creep between their bodies
and rub himself up against them.
- It's incredible.
All of my research indicates that it
really liked mud and slick surfaces
and would often submerge
half of its body in mud,
while groping its own genitals
and mumbling to itself.
Now, it was long thought,
it was my understanding at least,
that the pervatasaurus was a carnivore.
- Oh that was a misconception.
By studying the pervatasaurus
fossilized feces,
which we found neatly stacked
in symmetrical piles in the cave,
we discovered that the pervatasaurus
was in fact a herbivore.
So it was a scavenger of sorts then.
- Oh yes.
We have discovered drag marks
near several caves
indicating the pervatasaurus
likely lured smaller dinosaurs
back to its cave, but the lack of skeletons
suggest the pervatasaurus
didn't kill and eat them,
but only watched them as it masturbated.
Well, it's remarkable. Thanks for
being with us, Dr. Vaughn.
Congratulations on your find.
- Thank you.
Moving on, accusations of steroid use
are calling into question the legitimacy
of many of the world's
greatest sports' bloopers.
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