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The Onion

In The Know with Clifford Banes. I'm Gregory Dawson, filling in for Clifford Banes who is the new mayor of Baltimore. A recent survey shows that most Americans are confused about the laws regarding manslaughter. For example, if someone wanted to pull out of an Applebee's parking lot at 1:3 and hit a pedestrian walking on the side of the road, would that constitute manslaughter? Absolutely. I think that far too many of these laws are written to ambiguously. They are too confusing aren't they? - They can be. - Yeah, but in the majority of cases, guilt is going to be determined by the specific context. Oh that's a good point. Context is important. For example, if a person were to hit a pedestrian while driving on the road at night, isn't it, couldn't it be argued that, it is the fault of the pedestrian for wearing a dark navy blue jacket that's hard to see? That's the kind of argument that a lawyer would certainly make, yes. Those slimy attorneys. They can use legal loopholes to get their scumbag clients out of absolutely anything. - Absolutely. - Unbelievable. - Great, great. - Yeah. You could even imagine one proving the innocence of a driver who hit a pedestrian and dragged him under his car for six minutes before realizing that the noise he was hearing was not his brakes but human screaming. Um, I don't... That's a difficult, um... Let's move on. Euthanasia is a big issue. If a person is in pain, say lying on the asphalt, gasping for breath, bleeding out of one ear, isn't it the humane thing to do to put this person out their misery by stepping on their neck until they die? I see Terence that you have written that you believe in euthanasia. Do you still stand by that? In some cases yes. But the example you just sited does sound more like murder than euthanasia. - Murder. - Anyone who does that should get the chair! New topic. Children. Are they trustworthy? A new USAToday poll indicates that American 9-year-olds were recently sitting in the back seat of a car and watched out the window as their daddy did something very bad. Can we trust them to keep their little mouths shut? I don't know if I personally feel qualified to address that... They should turn their daddy in. OK. Moving on. Does anyone own a hacksaw? Still ahead: Failure to call 911 saves four firefighters' lives.