via @TheOnion - Political Talk Show Host Suddenly Very Interested In Manslaughter Law Loopholes
In The Know
with Clifford Banes.
I'm Gregory Dawson,
filling in for Clifford Banes
who is the new mayor of Baltimore.
A recent survey shows that
most Americans are confused
about the laws regarding manslaughter.
For example, if someone wanted to
pull out of an Applebee's parking lot
at 1:3
and hit a pedestrian walking
on the side of the road,
would that constitute manslaughter?
Absolutely.
I think that far too many of these laws
are written to ambiguously.
They are too confusing aren't they?
- They can be.
- Yeah, but in the majority of cases,
guilt is going to be determined
by the specific context.
Oh that's a good point.
Context is important.
For example, if a person
were to hit a pedestrian
while driving on the road at night,
isn't it, couldn't it be argued that,
it is the fault of the pedestrian for wearing
a dark navy blue jacket that's hard to see?
That's the kind of argument that a
lawyer would certainly make, yes.
Those slimy attorneys.
They can use legal loopholes to get their
scumbag clients out of absolutely anything.
- Absolutely.
- Unbelievable.
- Great, great.
- Yeah.
You could even imagine one proving the
innocence of a driver who hit a pedestrian
and dragged him under
his car for six minutes
before realizing that the noise he
was hearing was not his brakes
but human screaming.
Um, I don't...
That's a difficult, um...
Let's move on.
Euthanasia is a big issue.
If a person is in pain,
say lying on the asphalt,
gasping for breath,
bleeding out of one ear,
isn't it the humane thing to do
to put this person
out their misery
by stepping on their
neck until they die?
I see Terence that you have written
that you believe in euthanasia.
Do you still stand by that?
In some cases yes.
But the example you just sited
does sound more like
murder than euthanasia.
- Murder.
- Anyone who does that should get the chair!
New topic.
Children.
Are they trustworthy?
A new USAToday poll indicates that
American 9-year-olds were recently
sitting in the back seat of a car
and watched out the window as
their daddy did something very bad.
Can we trust them to keep
their little mouths shut?
I don't know if I personally
feel qualified to address that...
They should turn their daddy in.
OK. Moving on.
Does anyone own a hacksaw?
Still ahead:
Failure to call 911 saves
four firefighters' lives.
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