Good morning everyone.
We have a lot to cover today,
so I'm going to quickly run
through the President's schedule,
and then we'll take
some questions after that.
At approximately 8:
will be welcomed by one of his closest advisors
who will tell him, Mr. president, a
giant monster has entered Manhattan.
And then at 8:45 am, after
receiving a briefing on the situation,
the president will meet with
members of his ethnically diverse staff
around a large circular
table in a dimly lit room,
where he then will have to decide whether
to trust his militaristic defense secretary,
or his brilliant, but troubled
scientific... advisor, who will then claim
that a traditional military assault
will not work on the monster.
The president will listen to both
sides of the argument, of course.
And then at 8:57 am, the president
will push himself back from the table,
pause for a moment and then in
a tone, both wistful and strong,
say, "send in the marines".
At 9:45 am, the president and his
advisors will huddle around a screen
where they will actually
follow the battle in real time.
They will then listen in on a radio
communication from a handsome young marine
with a beautiful pregnant wife,
who will inform them it's not working.
This thing is like nothing
we've ever seen before.
It's getting stronger
by the minute.
Oh, no. It's
coming toward us.
The radio will then go dead
and after a hushed silence
the president will
ask to be left alone.
At 1
casting shadows across the president's face.
And at 1
at several pictures of previous presidents
on the wall, looking for
answers that will never come.
For the answers will have
been inside him all along,
which he will then find out
at approximately 11:15 am.
And at 1:15 pm the president
will meet with his science advisor,
that he had previously ignored.
And once they burry the hatchet
on a decade's old romantic rivalry,
the science advisor will recommend an incredibly
risky, far-fetched plan to kill the monster.
The defense secretary
will object.
The president will silence him with a motion
of his hand and then ask the secret service
to escort the secretary out.
The president will then turn to his
science advisor and say: let's do it.
At approximately 2:
of Americans of every race, religion and age,
come together to pray
and comfort each other,
the science advisor's plan
will be put into action.
And at first it will appear to
have no affect on the monster,
but at 2:1
that the monster is weakening,
until it finally dies two minutes
later, in a fireball at 2:12 pm.
At 2:3
the science advisor will shake hands,
in an emotionally charged moment.
And the science advisor's estranged wife,
who miraculously survived the attack in Manhattan
will realize she never stopped loving him.
And then two summers from now
the president will repeat this schedule,
but with better production
values and shittier writing.
Still Ahead
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