Madam Speaker, I will now
read the text of HR517,
the First Lady Impunity Act.
Which would grant immediate and
retroactive immunity to any person
or persons who got extremely drunk
and tried to kiss Michelle Obama
at a recent White House function.
Section One, The sighting
on unusual circumstances
that may have led to the
aforementioned shameful acts .
Subsection A, the constant offers of white
wine to congressmen who rarely drink.
Especially any that came to the
event with an empty stomach,
but have a severe nut allergy,
so can't really eat passed
hors devours.
Subsection B, the exceptionally friendly
nature of the First Lady's casual banter,
which could be mistaken
for flirting, by someone
in a compromised
mental state.
Immunity would extend
to any and all activities
leading up to the
unfortunate incident.
Including subsection A, complimenting
Michelle Obama's fashion sense
while touching the
sleeve of her dress.
Subsection B, telling Mrs. Obama that
women in power are so sensual.
Subsection C, surprising the First Lady
by sneaking up from behind
and delicately placing one's
fingertips on her hips
and whispering
"Now's our chance."
Subsection D, calling Mrs. Obama,
"A beautiful queen"
and "so fierce."
Subsection F, leaning in and attempting to
take Michelle Obama in his arms and kiss her.
And subsection F1, after recognition of the
pity and disgust in the First Lady's eyes,
and attempting to play it off as, like
he wasn't even trying to kiss her,
you just stumble
forwards accidentally.
STILL AHEAD: FEMA ALLOCATES $2
MILLION TO DESIGN BIGGER SANDBAGS.
Playlists
Label
