Report: 70% Of Praise Sarcastic
by Carol Kolb (idea: Dan Mirk)
This draft: v.7 SD 1-18
INT. ONION NEWS STUDIO
Anchor Lane Everett sits behind the desk.
LANE EVERETT
When someone tells you, "good job,"
do they really mean it? A new
report released by UCLA says no. It
found that as much as 70 percent of
all praise is sarcastic.
GRAPHIC: Pie charts of various phrases and how often they are
used sarcastically vs. genuinely: "wow," "that's great,"
"good job, buddy," "congratulations."
LANE EVERETT (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Linguistic researchers estimate
that it's the short congratulatory
phrases like "good work" or "smooth
move" are used sarcastically most
of the time.
FOOTAGE: People smiling at each other, shaking hands et
cetera ...
LANE EVERETT (V.O.)(CONT'D)
Longer compliments like "so glad
you could join us" and "you always
know just how to fix everything"
are only genuine about half of the
time.
CUT TO:
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM
DR. JENSEN speaks before a panel of scientists. Some EXTRAS
(interns or something) cross in the background ...
LANE EVERETT (V.O.)
Dr. Willis Jensen headed the study.
CHYRON: Dr. Willis Jensen, UCLA Researcher
JENSEN
We studied praise in a number of
settings: at home, in the
workplace, and on the playground.
SAdly, we found individuals are
more likely to receive sarcastic
praise at exactly the moments they
need encouragement, such as when
they've just dropped something, or
fell -- possibly sustaining injury.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE
JENSEN
It's sad that there may be so many
good people out there truly making
"smooth moves," and who may never
truly know whether that move was in
fact smooth or not.
**ALTERNATE:
JENSEN (CONT'D)
The real victims here are the hot
shots, the champs, those who are
truly graceful and deserving of an
encore -- their status in now in
question.
CUT TO:
INT. ONION SET
LANE EVERETT
UCLA researchers said a number of
small but important indicators can
help determine if praise is
heartfelt. Generally, if the praise
is accompanied by eye-rolling, slow
measured clapping, or starts with
the word "ooo," it is sarcastic.
(beat:)
After the break...
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