via @TheOnion - Should We Be Doing More To Reduce The Graphic Violence In Our Dreams?
DREAMS TOO VIOLENT (shooting)
This Draft: 6-16 (CLK)
Robert Haige - Has a recurring dream where he kills all the
panelists. He describes it in grisly detail. Then explains
why it would never actually happen, but everybody is aghast.
Nancy - Says she doesn't go to sleep at all anymore because
her dreams were too violent. Is crazy from lack of sleep.
Leslie Hillerman - People should be held accountable for what
they dream; government should have the right to monitor
dreams. - Parents should control what their kids dream. It's
the parents' responsibility.
PANELIST: Head of an advocacy group that wants to ban
violence from dreams.
INT. IN THE KNOW SET
HOST
I'm HOST filling in for Clifford
Banes who is racing to the airport
to catch the woman he loves.
FOOTAGE: Children sleeping, people undergoing sleep-testing
in labs. (ALT: Famous dream sequences from movies,
surrealistic images.)
HOST (CONT'D)
A recent survey conducted by the
American Center For Sleep Research
found that nearly 40 percent of all
dreams contain graphic images of
violence. Should we be doing more
to reduce the level of violence in
our dreams?
ROBERT
There's no question dreams have
become more violent over the years.
LESLIE
You can't close your eyes without
being bombarded by horrible images:
wild animals, crazed killers...
NANCY
(interrupting)
A blood-drenched Best Buy employee
trying to sell you a dead baby.
PANELIST
And when you're exposed to graphic
violence like that night after
night, you become desensitized to
it. It teaches you that shooting
your high school gym teacher with a
cannon is acceptable behavior.
LESLIE
Yes. It's dangerous. Studies have
shown the majority of people
convicted of violent crimes have a
history of dreaming.
PANELIST
When I was a boy, the most violent
dreams I had were ones where my
teeth fell out of my head.
Whatever happened to dreams like
that?
LESLIE
That was a dream everyone could
enjoy. Not like the trash people
dream about these days.
NANCY
It's terrible.
HOST
But aren't people intelligent
enough to know the difference
between dream violence and real
life violence.
ROBERT
Yes, they are. I mean, look, I
have a recurring dream where I kill
all of you with a hacksaw and hide
your dismembered bodies underneath
this desk.
The Panelists react to this warily.
ROBERT (CONT'D)
But that doesn't mean I'm going to
act that out. Because I know it's
not real, no matter how extremely
vivid it always is.
PANELIST
But Robert, statistics show dream
inspired violence is on the rise.
LESLIE
Just last week a man a tuxedo
walked into the Mall Of America and
started stabbing people with a
swordfish.
ROBERT
You can't definitively say that was
inspired by a dream.
LESLIE
Come on, Robert. The police said
that the night before the attack,
he fell asleep watching a fishing
rod infomercial.
PANELST
He was clearly imitating behavior
that he dreamed.
NANCY
My dreams got so violent I stopped
sleeping months ago.
HOST
(concerned)
When was the last time you slept,
Nancy?
NANCY
That's none of your business,
talking cactus. And quit staring
at me.
HOST
PANELIST, you've said your
organization isn't opposed to
violence in dreams as long as it
has some artistic relevance.
PANELST
Yes, but all too often the violence
in my dreams is totally gratuitous,
or done by my brain just to shock
me.
HOST
I know what you mean. The other
night I had dream that I was
looking for my car and when I
finally found it, it was full of
dismembered limbs. Was all that
gore really necessary?
LESLIE
It's terrible. Most dreams these
days are just sex and violence
strung together with meaningless
dialogue between me and a dolphin
with a Yankees cap.
PANELST
No plot at all!
HOST
And of course, as we've discussed
on this show, the sexual content of
dreams is often very inappropriate
as well...
NANCY
Filthy.
PANELST
They are, thank you Nancy.
NANCY
(pointing off to right)
That sheepdog is filthy.
PANELST
The fact is, it's time for the
government to get involved.
ROBERT
No. Individuals should decide for
themselves what dreams they want to
see. Personally, I like my dreams
about eviscerating you all and
making a suit from your skins.
HOST
In fact, acting it out in your
dreams may actually deter you from
trying it in real life.
ROBERT
Exactly, HOST.
HOST
PANELIST, in your book, Perchance
To Scream, you wrote that parents
should do more to monitor their
children's dreams.
PANELST
Yes, I'm in favor of a rating
system for dreams.
That way parents can wake up their
children if they're dreaming
something inappropriate.
LESLIE
We also need to demand
accountability from the people
responsible for our violent dreams:
prescription drug-makers,
networks who play late night
movies, spicy food manufacturers.
A SHIRTLESS MAN in a ski mask with multiple wounds to the
stomach (gunshot/stab wounds) stands behind ROBERT.
ROBERT
But dreams are often triggered by
repressed memories. Should we hold
our memories accountable too?
LESLIE'S mouth is starting to trickle blood.
LESLIE
If that's what it takes to clean up
our dreams, yes.
NANCY
I'm just not sure that will work.
A blood-covered Best Buy employee holding a dead baby
approaches NANCY.
BEST BUY EMPLOYEE
This is the lowest price of the
season.
NANCY
But I don't need a dead baby.
LESLIE'S mouth is now gushing with blood. She is holding a
swordfish whose mouth is covered in blood.
LESLIE
Then why did you go to Best Buy?
ROBERT is holding out two additional dead babies.
ROBERT
Yes, it doesn't make sense. That's
what you came for. Don't you see
one you like?
NANCY
I don't think I have any money.
Just a shot of the host.
HOST
So you oppose the idea because of
the funding it would require?
Nancy? Nancy? Nancy?
CUT TO:
We see that Nancy is asleep with her head down on the desk.
HOST is irritated, trying to wake her up. Panelist is now
sitting next to Nancy again.
HOST (CONT'D)
Nancy? Nancy?
Nancy wakes up.
NANCY
Huh? What?
HOST
Nancy, we're discussing congresses
proposed measures to curb dreaming.
NANCY
I'm for it.
END.
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