via @TheOnion - Taco Bell's New Green Menu Takes No Ingredients From Nature
TODAY NOW!
It's green week
on Today Now!
And we're highlighting
individuals and companies
who are helping
the environment.
And one of those
companies is Taco Bell.
Starting this week, Taco Bell
restaurants are going
1
Now, they're going to have
the same menu items
that you've come
to know and love.
But none of the ingredients
are taken from nature.
And that means zero
environmental impact.
So joining us now, live,
is Paul Lancaster.
Spokesman from Taco Bell.
Hi Paul!
Hello Jim,
hello Tracy.
Now Paul, nothing on
Taco Bell's new menu
uses anything that
came from nature?
Not a single ingredient.
Starting this week, all of
the ingredients that we use
are going to be
produced in labs
by special Taco Bell
food synthesizers.
Wow! And it tastes the
same as before, Paul?
You can't even tell
the difference.
Oh, the lettuce looks
so realistic.
Now, how hard was it
to make the leap into
the eco-friendly menu?
Well, at Taco Bell we have
a long tradition of
taking as little as possible from
the natural world. -Right.
Our ground beef,
for example,
has always been
fairly eco-friendly.
It's 85 percent gluten filler, 8 percent
petroleum based grease flavoring,
but it's always had
4 percent meat.
From real livestock.
- That's bad for the environment.
Exactly right, but, with Taco Bell's
new green initiative,
we've actually been able to
replace that 4 percent meat
with a simple
chemical adhesive.
So you're not wasting food
or water to feed the cattle.
That's right.
- And because you're using
no natural ingredients
whatsoever, anymore,
I understand that you're
able to add something
that you're calling, "Super Green
Supreme menu items"
That you never would have
been able to do before.
Yes. At Taco Bell, Jim, we are
changing the definition of food.
Starting next month,
we're introducing
the Ultimate Grande Crunchador.
Which is jam packed
with chunks of
an ingredient that has no equivalent
in the natural world. - Wow!
That does look filling.
- We also have a new Chalupa.
Yes! -Which removes the
carbon dioxide and pollution
from the air around it.
So that it helps reduce
global warming.
Look at that!
So we're eating at Taco Bell,
we're cleaning the earth.
Right's right.
- Wow!
What are these science guys going
to think of next? -Amazing.
Amazing!
- In three years,
we're planning to
start melting down
all of the lids, the straws,
and the wrappers
that the food comes in,
and recycle it into
new Taco Bell foods.
You will actually be eating
the garbage you produce.
Isn't that something?
That's quite an inspiration.
- Yes!
Paul thank you so
much for joining us.
Oh, my pleasure.
Listen, don't go away because
when we come back,
we're going to show you
how to save money
by writing your
own books.
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