Good afternoon.
We have a lot of information to get out,
so I will not be taking
any questions.
As of 1
the US Treasury Department
has issued a full recall of all 776 Billion
pieces of U.S. currency in circulation.
I know this must seem like a blow, coming on
the heels of this morning's announcement
that our federal budget deficit
has passed the $8
But regrettably, these particular bills
were printed with dye containing toxins,
that while completely safe at this moment,
will become extremely deadly,
Friday,
at exactly 12 noon.
As a result,
we need to act quickly.
OK, tomorrow, all Americans
will receive a bag like this in the mail.
Just rubber band the money
into neat piles and put it into the sack,
and then drop the sack
into your nearest mailbox.
Do not, under any circumstances,
attempt to burn or shred the money yourself.
The federal government are the
only ones that can destroy the money,
as we are the only ones
with the proper facilities to do so.
Excuse me,
this is a massive recall, is there any..?
If you review the old laws,
it is actually not so uncommon
for something like this
to be done.
So, there really is no need to panic
or to review those old laws,
because I just told you
that it's true.
We understand that this recall will be hard
on U.S. citizens who will have no more money,
but we assure you, if you work hard, you
will eventually be able to earn it back.
This is in the best interest
of the America people.
This dye poisoning causes your
internal organs to rot from within,
and is really painful until
you puke up your guts and die.
What, what recourse...?
- I said no questions.
There's really is no time
to think about this.
Just listen to me, and send in the money.
Thank you.
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