The Onion

Into The Home Stretch

November 1, 2000 | Issue 36•39

The presidential election is less than a week away, with polls indicating a virtual dead heat between Bush and Gore. What do you think?

Old Man

Glen Eyers,
Engineer
"I'm not voting. Clinton has been doing a great job, so why bring in some new guy?"

Asian Man

Neil Kuberra,
Cook
"I was going to vote for Gore until I found out he was losing."

Young Woman

Paula Buechner,
EMT
"My vote for Ralph Nader will send this country a powerful message: Bush is a bad president."

Old Woman

Lena Levenhagen,

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so emotional. It's just that, well, this time of year I really miss John Chancellor."

Young Man

Cory Morrow,
Usher
"Which candidate is going to tax soda? Neither? Looks like I'm back to square one."

Black Man

Christopher Rich,
Systems Analyst
"Everyone's making such a fuss about it being the closest election in years, but what did they expect from the closest candidates in years?"

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