Children Are Our Most Precious Natural Resource (Updated)

POSTED BY: Sam Holtzman, Single Issue Voter

Oct 02, 2008, 1:01 pm

With the candidates locked in endless wrangling over the economy, you'd think we'd all forgotten what truly matters: America's children. Specifically, our 16- and 17-year-olds, the most precious and beautiful of them all. I want to know what Obama and McCain plan to do about this issue.

For example, did you know that if you take one of America's most precious resources back to your house for some ice cream even only once, you can get charged with something as serious as kidnapping? Or that, if you do it again, you get put on a registry of people that happen to like having ice cream with friends, and have to tell all of your neighbors about it every time you move?

When are the candidates going to start talking about this?

I understand if Obama and McCain don't think about our nation's children as much as I do. Probably no one does. But for me, it's a passion—some might even call it an obsession. This is why the time for change is now.

All I'm saying is, maybe once, one of the candidates should ask the children what they want. It's a sad state of affairs when I, an unemployed HVAC repairman, am out there almost every day asking our children what they want at my local skate park, mall, and movie theater, and the major candidates for president haven't even done so once.

Children are America's future, and when we spoil their prospects by growing the debt, or destroying the environment, or allowing our children to dress and act however they want to the point that they look like full-grown adults capable of making their own decisions when they're actually only 16 and a half, we are writing a death certificate for our country.

Barack Obama and John McCain: You need to take a long, hard, torturous look at our children right now, or you won't get my vote.

Update at 6:05pm

A friend forwarded me an email just now about an "Invest In Kids" rally to be held just outside of the VP debates tonight. It's going on right now!

A rally to encourage the vice presidential candidates to focus on children's issues during Thursday's debate will be held here Thursday (October 2nd) just before the vice presidential debate.

The rally will take place at the designated vice presidential debate public viewing area, located on the intramural field at the southeast corner of Big Bend Boulevard and Forsyth Boulevard, in the Washington University area. This area is within sight of the Athletic Complex where the debate will take place.

What a wonderful idea, and the name of the group is Every Child Matters. I really wish I could be there to support the children.

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I've 'eard Me First Debate, I 'ave!

POSTED BY: Pip Dawkins, 19th Century Street Urchin

Oct 02, 2008, 11:57 am

Well call me Sir Francis bloody Beacon, what a debate the Americans just 'ad! Mr. Greystone, 'e don't much prefer my smelling up 'is parlor with "the stink of society's refuse"—'is words, not mine—but 'e let me listen outside the door while I was blacking 'is boots and boy! I never 'eard anything so wonderful in all me life. All the clapping and the calling each other "mister" and "Senator," it was like I image a glorious big party must be like. One with food and 'ot cakes and mmm… mince meat pies.

Oh, I've let me stomach run off with me 'ead again, 'aven't I? And I've no excuse. I ate just two days ago.

Listening to those two talk about the economy and the war, (please, owner of this 'ere internet, do us a kindness and put a link here, if you please?) why it made me poor sooty 'eart soar.

Cuz 'ere these two blokes are, smart as whips and each with enough money besides to keep all their own children, and out of the kindness of their own 'earts they take the time to answer questions and say all manner of nice things about Americans. Yes, sir, if I was ever fortunate enough to meet the lord 'oo bought me in an alleyway, I wouldn't dream of asking 'im a question. I reckon I would consider it an honor just to have 'im spit in me face.

Would remind me of me own mum, that.

But it seems to me the only thing these two most respectable gentlemen can agree on is 'ow much they love Americans. You all must feel so flattered, 'aving grown men argue about 'oo loves you more.

Why I don't doubt 'ooever you elect will be so thankful for the position, 'e'll invite everyone in America over for a big supper of baked goose with all the trimmings. And then, 'e might just give you 'ealth care, you lucky devils.

As for me, it's time to clean out me blood bucket and 'ave a good long stand in the sunlight. I've a terrible sensation in me chest, like a wee mouse gnawing away in there.

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'ave A Wonderful Election, America!

POSTED BY: Pip Dawkins, 19th Century Street Urchin

Oct 01, 2008, 1:13 pm

Why 'ello, friends! Looks like 'appy days are upon us again. Mr. Greystone, the master of the 'ouse, 'as gone and entrusted to me my very own pencil, what to write down anything I wish. At first, I thought it was me birthday! I've never 'ad so much as a farthing in all my life and now look at me: a pencil owner. Why I must look like the King 'imself! But after he given it to me, Mr. Greystone, 'e said I'm meant to write about the American presidential election. "Yes, sir!" I said to 'im. "I'll do my very best, sir!"

This might lead to a crust of bread, I shouldn't wonder.

In one month and seven days, the Americans will 'ave a new president of their very own choosing! Now, I've never been to America, or anywhere outside the East End, but I imagine they must be 'appy as clams. Two 'ole candidates to choose from? And not one of 'em the son of the monarch? 'ave you ever imagined something so wonderful in your life? You yanks must be right near pinching yourselves saying, "Am I dreamin'?"

Why I 'ear they're even given people their very own ballots this year! What I'd give to 'old one of them, even just for a moment. Probably printed on silk, they are. Printed on silk and flavored like the sweetest licorice you ever did taste, I bet.

Well, that's all I 'ave for you this morning. I 'ope this pencil lasts long enough for me to write a letter to my mum. I'm so very interested to know if she's still alive.

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Debate Aftermath. Who Won?

POSTED BY: Oliver Thayer, Web & Politics Editor

Sep 29, 2008, 3:28 pm

That was some debate we had last week. I know Dac was really looking forward to it and was bummed when it looked like McCain might not show. The blogosphere has been abuzz about it, and the verdict is in!

McCain won even before the debates began! This is according to the McCain campaign which took out ads declaring victory during the day on Friday. They put money on it. That's confidence right there.

David Broder agrees. He calls McCain "the Alpha Male" for his domineering style and Obama's constant refrain that McCain was "absolutely right."

No McCain sentences began with a similar acknowledgment of his opponent's wisdom, even though the two did, in fact, agree on Iran, Russia and the U.S. financial crisis far more than they disagreed.

Bam!

But wait, former Bill Clinton adviser and McCain-supporting, Fox News contributing analyst Dick Morris says Obama won because he more effectively spoke to the needs of the American people than John McCain did. Morris was on Sean Hannity's show when he rendered his judgment, and Hannity disagreed with Morris, saying Obama demonstrated too much book knowledge.

I can see where he's coming from. Who needs book knowledge when you have blog knowledge?

Of course, as Marc Ambinder effectively points out, Obama's mainstream, normal image is the reason he can claim victory, but TownHall says McCain handily defeats Obama on foreign policy and the bracelet moment for Obama was "unbearable."

So it was a tie. Dan Balz at the Washington Post thinks so. Even as I type this blog a consensus is emerging that McCain won the foreign policy debate and Obama won the domestic economic debate. The Wall Street Journal agrees.

Then there's who's winning the debate over who won the debate. That battle continues to play out. The New York Times reports that both campaigns were launching attacks moments after the debate ended in an attempt to convince the country that their side had won.

In summary, McCain won the projecting confidence at 72-years-old foreign policy debate, while Obama won the hey, he actually sounds like he knows what he's talking about economic debate. Of course, Obama's inability to remember McCain's first name cost a few points among hardcore Republicans, but then McCain's refusal to high five at the end is sure to have a negative impact on youth voters, and on the crucial issue of note-taking, Obama was the clear favorite. Lincoln and Douglas have nothing on these guys.

All of this presidential debate judgment will be short-lived, however. It's already past time to start predicting who will win the vice presidential debate this Thursday in St. Louis. Clearly Biden and Palin will win, and it will be too close to call.

I can't wait.

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Life Begins When I Damn Well Say It Does

POSTED BY: Gary Brunson, 5-Week-Old Fetus

Sep 26, 2008, 2:00 pm

If I have to hear Barack Obama dodge one more question about abortion, I swear I'm going to strangle myself with this umbilical cord. I don't know how many times I have to tell you people: Life begins at conception, every life is sacred, and if you don't like it, you can suck my big, fat unborn dick.

It's the same old BS from these blue-state liberals. A fetus isn't a human being, they say. A fetus is just a group of congregated cells. A fetus doesn't have consciousness, identity, or intent. Well, you out-of-touch elitists, how's this for intent: the moment I get my placenta-covered ass out of here, you're going to wish you had me terminated, because I want my country back, and I'll do whatever I can to reclaim those values that made it great.

Speaking of which: Who's gonna stop all the illegal immigrants in this country?

Are we just going to let every last Pedro and Maria swim across the Rio Grande whenever they damn well please to milk our system for everything it's worth? If I weren't still in the embryonic stage of fetal development, and didn't more closely resemble a tadpole than a human being, I'd round up the whole lot of freeloaders and kick them out myself.

Jesus Christ, this is America—learn the cognitive skills required to speak the language!

One thing's for damn sure: no Mexican is going to climb over these uterine walls. Sorry, Paco, or whatever your name is. We're all closed up. No jobs to steal inside here.

What's the matter? Did I come on a little too strong for you liberals out there? Did I offend your delicate sensibilities? Well, you better get used to it, because I have plenty more to say, and thanks to United States Code, Title 18, Chapter 1, Section 1841, there's nothing you can do about it.

That's right, go ahead and try to lay one finger on me. I'll have Evangelical Christians on your doorstep so fast, it'll make your fucking head spin.

Just say the word.

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Tiny Silver Death Machine: Election Coverage 2008 Part Two

POSTED BY: Don DeLillo, Master of Postmodern Literature

Sep 26, 2008, 1:00 pm

Noted author Don DeLillo blogged for The Onion from the Conventions

We've witnessed these spectacles every fourth September, every four years. The volunteers stand handshake-dazed near their supervisors, seeing images of themselves in every direction. Staffers greet each other with comic cries and gestures of sodden collapse. In Denver there were vendors nearby when we ate breakfast. Stretch limos outfitted with powerful communications technology stalled in murderous crosstown traffic. Helicopters shine searchlights down at the buildings, the crowd. Chanted rhymes emerge like a collective tribal memory. Allegations are advanced concerning faked pregnancies. "This is one of those moments." There is a meet-and-greet with the guy from the Doobie Brothers.

A voice from the subconscious: Toyota Corola.

Here in Minneapolis, a woman with a clipboard, frazzled, efficient. She reads from a printout to a group of staffers a change in schedule from the coordinating committee: the station wagons arrive at noon. In the Free Speech Zone, a man dangles from a wire, the famous performance artist from New York. Everywhere, security: badges, metal detectors, small plastic cards with magnetic stripes. Police, silent in riot gear, truncheons like humming, efficient software. Someone says: "So she was technically never the actual Miss Alaska?"

They feel a sense of renewal, of communal recognition. The women, crisp and alert, knowing people's names. Their husbands in little hats shaped like elephant heads, something about them suggesting massive health insurance coverage.

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Tiny Silver Death Machine: Election Coverage 2008

POSTED BY: Don DeLillo, Master of Postmodern Literature

Sep 26, 2008, 12:00 pm

Noted author Don DeLillo blogged for The Onion from the Conventions

He speaks in your voice, American, and he's blogging right next to me, as I type my own blog, in this our blogging age. Our faces fixated with vigorous purpose on glowing rectangular screens, measured in centimeters. In the air, invisible information. Uploads, downloads. Waves and radiation. Surrounding us both, on every side of the lobby, dozens more do exactly the same, typing with their thumbs into tiny silver death machines.

From across America, they come to Minneapolis, to Denver, in herds, teaming hordes filled with sounds, smells. In great tidal flows of seething humanity they ease around the I-beam sculptures and move into the sports arenas. They are loaded down with noisemakers and paper and special hats.

The crowds are a slowly spreading ripple and moan. They heave and surge with some unexplainable animal intelligence. They have to walk slowly to accommodate their awe. Snatches of unattributed dialogue—absurdist, yet paradoxically naturalistic—come out of the mass of pressing bodies:

"You cannot state categorically?"

"Not at the present moment."

"So that's that?"

"As far as we are aware."

"So the general consensus seems to be that we don't know enough at this time to be sure of anything."

"Let me put it to you like this: if I were a rat, I wouldn't want to be within a 200 mile radius of Minneapolis right now."

"What if you were a human?"

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The Debates!! I Want To See Them So Bad!!

POSTED BY: Dac Kien, Retired Vietcong Torturer

Sep 25, 2008, 11:05 pm

I can't believe Friday's big Presidential Debates might be postponed because John McCain doesn't want to do them! Actually I can believe it. John McCain, who I used to know back in the day, is what you might call a pussy—at least when it comes to being incessantly tortured by the Vietcong, ie, me!

But all kidding aside, these debates are so important for the two candidates to show the American peoples that they are the best person to lead their country and not break down in tears every time they hear a loud bang.

I really want to see how Barack Obama does against my old friend John McCain. It will be a good matchup! I hope that John McCain has gotten his voice back since the last time I saw him. And his eyesight. And put on some clothes other than those old rags he always used to wear. Oh, and I also hope he's not still completely freaking crazy and shaky from all the torturing we were doing to him about 20 hours a day for five years. That would be good.

Just busting your balls, John McCain, you pussy. I think you're going to do great!

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