War For The White House Blog
About This Blogger
The Onion's editorial cartoonist, Kelly, used his 35 years of experience to offer an inside look at the most important events of the political party conventions. Read Kelly's dispatches from the beginning, or return to the main blog.
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POSTED BY: Kelly, Onion Editorial Cartoonist
Aug 26, 2008, 5:08 pm
It was a slow night at the "Con" last night so I decided to skip it (Don't tell my editor!). But I'm putting in some time this morning catching up.
I've got the "Inside" scoop from my sources: the Democrats finally unveiled Barracks Obama's wife! Well, it's about time we got a look at her. And from what Debra Norville says, Mrs. Barracks was looking very lady-like. I'm sure the head honchos in the Democrat Party are breathing a sigh of relief!
Well, I’m happy for Mrs. Barracks, but to me, nothing could compare to Pat Nixon. She was a swell lady and a real classy dresser.
The media won't report it but she had great gams, too. Some said she liked to tip a few around the cocktail hour but what's wrong with that, right? Here's to you, Pat.
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POSTED BY: Kelly, Onion Editorial Cartoonist
Aug 26, 2008, 11:04 am
I went to a party celebrating Hurricane Katrina. Look what I found at the buffet:
Pity the poor Democrats — still haunted by the spectre of that harlot Lewinsky! Not even their entrees are safe from that bad taste that sordid affair left in America's mouth.
LATE UPDATE: August 26, 12:54PM
At the "Celebrate Hurricane Katrina" party this band from New Orleans played some of their "funky jive". It was a real hoot and goes to show we're doing right by our friends in the Big Easy. Judging by their energy and enthusiasm I'd say the people of New Orleans are doing just fine.
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DNC Coverage: Here's A Real "Scoop!"
POSTED BY: Kelly, Onion Editorial Cartoonist
Aug 26, 2008, 10:47 am
CNN also has their own ice cream. This really proves they really are the Best Political Team on TV. Take that, MSNBC!
Looks delicious. I'd try some but I’m still steamed at CNN for what they did to Paula Zahn.
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DNC Coverage: A Not-So-Conventional Eatery
POSTED BY: Kelly, Onion Editorial Cartoonist
Aug 25, 2008, 9:31 pm
Look at this — the CNN network owns it's own building right here in Denver!
Some executive is getting a pat on the back for making that real estate decision. It's right across from the convention center! It also happens to be a restaurant — the CNN Grill! I'll bet they make a killing during this convention. The crowds will "eat it up"!
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DNC Coverage: Denver's True Colors
POSTED BY: Kelly, Onion Editorial Cartoonist
Aug 25, 2008, 7:22 pm
After waiting what seemed like an eternity, my bus finally arrived. But just look at the driver!
We had a saying back in the ‘60s – "Keep America Beautiful – Get a Haircut." This fellow obviously missed it. Someone forgot to tell him "pony's tails" are for little girls!
So now I bet you think Denver is a "let it all hang out" place. But just look at the sign in the upper right hand corner – "NO GAMBLING." I guess Denver encourages people to "do their own thing" as long as it complies with their OVER-REGULATION!
As far as putting your best foot forward, Denver, you could have done better by your visiting countrymen.
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POSTED BY: Kelly, Onion Editorial Cartoonist
Aug 25, 2008, 5:40 pm
I have been notified by my editors that the telegram writing format style has been "upgraded" in the "Information Age." Well, that is technology for you and you can’t fight progress!
So my arrival at the airport seemed to start off nice enough. Here are some kind folks who greeted me. My editors must have told them I was coming! (Just a joke – they are there to meet everyone from the convention.)
But how quickly Lady Luck becomes Dame Misfortune! Just moments later, after a real hassle finding the bus stop (don't ask) I found this sign:
This is shaping up to be the DNC: DISAPPOINTMENT National Convention!
LATE UPDATE: April 25, 2008, 6:26PM
Well I had to go back in the terminal and try to find change. On my way I saw this woman (on your left).
I asked her if perhaps Mr. Barracks Obama could deliver "Exact Change!" That got her.
I had to buy a Cinnabon in order to get the change (at least that's what I'll tell my cholesterol doctor – ha ha! Ah, but I'm on vacation of sorts, right?).
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DNC Coverage: Off To A Bad Start
POSTED BY: Kelly, Onion Editorial Cartoonist
Aug 25, 2008, 12:43 pm
Have arrived in Denver STOP.
Flew the so-called "Frontier" airlines STOP.
Not what I was hoping for STOP.
Where are the grizzlies, loggers, gold prospectors, adventure? STOP.
Some frontier STOP.
Makes one wonder if The West was really won at all STOP.
Kelly signing off END.
See Kelly's Editorial Cartoons Here
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