Campaign News

• Republican Party, Average Working Joe Bid One Another Adieu Until 2012

  WASHINGTON—As the 2008 presidential campaign came to a close Tuesday, the Republican Party and the average American hard working Joe bid...

  Nov 04, 2008 | News In Brief

• Magical Voting Booth Transforms Clearheaded Americans Into Reactionist Morons

  DENVER—A voting booth stationed at the fifth district municipal center in Denver possesses the otherworldly power to transform rational...

  Nov 04, 2008 | News In Brief

• Long Lines Anticipated At Polls

  Despite early voting, some are expecting a record turnout and long lines at polling places Tuesday. What do you think?

  Nov 04, 2008 | American Voices

• Bush: 'Can I Stop Being President Now?'

  WASHINGTON—In a press conference held this morning on the White House lawn, President Bush formally asked the assembled press corps and members of his own administration if, in light of today's election, he could stop being the...

  Nov 04, 2008 | News

• Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President

  Voting machine DRE700 came out of nowhere to defeat Barack Obama and John McCain and become the first machine president.

  Nov 04, 2008 | Video

• Millions Of Voters Refuse To Exit Polls

  Nov 04, 2008 | Radio

• McCain Refusing To Tell Voters What's In Box Unless Elected

  WASHINGTON–With just one day before voters head to the polls, presidential candidate John McCain told the American people Monday that,...

  Nov 03, 2008 | News In Brief

• Obama's Record-Breaking Fundraising Effort Bankrupting NPR, World Wildlife Fund, ACLU

  WASHINGTON—After taking in more than $150 million in September, Sen. Barack Obama's historic fundraising drive has continued to completely...

  Oct 31, 2008 | News In Brief

• Need For More Places To Sit Becomes Election's Most Important Issue

  WASHINGTON—According to a revealing new Washington Post–ABC News poll, the need for more places to sit is rapidly eclipsing the...

  Oct 31, 2008 | News In Brief

• Struggling Lower-Class Still Unsure How Best To Fuck Selves With Vote

  WASHINGTON—As election day nears, millions of the nation's poorest voters have reportedly yet to settle on the most profound and enduring...

  Oct 30, 2008 | News In Brief