Candidates

Barack Obama

Key Senate Achievement: Being elected to Senate after Iraq War already started

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Joe Biden

Political And Influential Reach: So great that no fewer than 18 states think that he is their senator

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John McCain

Thoughts On Torture: Doesn't support stuff he couldn't handle

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Sarah Palin

Largest Budget Allocation: The Wasilla Pipeline To God

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Christopher Dodd

Eyebrows: Peter Gallaghery

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Bill Richardson

Woman Or Minority: Minority

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Hillary Clinton

Make-up Secrets: Classified

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John Edwards

Greatest Strength: Notable 'ding' sound when smiling

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Dennis Kucinich

Worst Moment: Nearly devoured by Wisconsin Congressman James Sensenbrenner on House floor

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Mike Huckabee

Signature Issue: Retrieving the Ark of the Covenant

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Mitt Romney

Reason For Presidential Bid: Not sure, but in too deep now to quit

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Rudy Giuliani

Favorite Way To Relax: Long strolls through piles of smoking rubble and twisted metal

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Fred Thompson

Natural Hair Color: Tawny

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Ron Paul

Vulnerability: People may decide they like roads

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