Candidates

Hillary Clinton

Favorite Food:
Wheat slurry injected directly into her stomach

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Barack Obama

Odds Of Pop-Locking During Inauguration:
1 in 12

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John McCain

Awards:
Distinguished Flying Cross (Vietnam War); Silver Star (World War II); Bronze Star (Crimean War)

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Ron Paul

Vulnerability:
People may decide they like roads

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Christopher Dodd

Eyebrows:
Peter Gallaghery

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Joe Biden

Reason For Running:
in a rut, career-wise

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Bill Richardson

Woman Or Minority:
Minority

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John Edwards

Greatest Strength:
Notable 'ding' sound when smiling

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Dennis Kucinich

Worst Moment:
Nearly devoured by Wisconsin Congressman James Sensenbrenner on House floor

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Mike Huckabee

Signature Issue:
Retrieving the Ark of the Covenant

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Mitt Romney

Reason For Presidential Bid:
Not sure, but in too deep now to quit

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Rudy Giuliani

Favorite Way To Relax:
Long strolls through piles of smoking rubble and twisted metal

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Fred Thompson

Natural Hair Color:
Tawny

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