Immigration

Immigration

Democrats

Republicans

  • Barack Obama

    Barack Obama

    Would refuse to allow Kenyans to come to America, father children, abandon children, attend Harvard PhD programs, and return to Kenya.

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  • John McCain

    John McCain

    Supports a path to legalization because Latinos are one of the few ethnic groups that don't appear in the senator's recurring nightmares.

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  • Sarah Palin

    Sarah Palin

    Whatever Mr. McCain thinks is best.

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Third Party Candidates
  • Ralph Nader

    Ralph Nader

    "I believe that an illegal immigrant should have your job, you should have your boss's job, and so on until I become president."

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  • Bob Barr

    Bob Barr

    Once met this guy named Jose who seemed pretty cool. He can stay.

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  • Cynthia McKinney

    Cynthia McKinney

    Promises to enact an exchange system in which, for every immigrant granted U.S. citizenship, a white American gets to leave.

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Former Candidates
  • Hillary Clinton

    Hillary Clinton

    "I voted for the border fence because I believe in order to solve our immigration crisis we must first show immigrants how unwelcoming, hateful, and xenophobic America is."

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  • Mike Huckabee

    Mike Huckabee

    Supports an immigration plan that will allow Jesus back into America.

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  • Ron Paul

    Ron Paul

    Believes that the market, on its own, will achieve a natural equilibrium between foreigners' demand for illegal entry into the country and Americans' supply of rifles and ammunition.

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Jul 04, 2009