Iraq War

Iraq War
After five years and more than 4,000 U.S. troops dead, the war in Iraq remains an important issue for voters. Below, we provide a summary or direct quote of each candidate's position.

Democrats

Republicans

  • Barack Obama

    Barack Obama

    Will have American soldiers tell the Iraqi soldiers that they're just going out for some smokes, and then sneak back home to America.

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  • Joe Biden

    Joe Biden

    Would partition country into three sectarian regions, wait 28 years, then tear down partitions in triumph for democracy.

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  • John McCain

    John McCain

    "The United States should no longer act as the world's police but instead as the world's stripper, dressed as the police."

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  • Sarah Palin

    Sarah Palin

    Just wants to give son the chance to shoot something smaller and more Muslim than the usual moose around their property.

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Third Party Candidates
  • Crebeckler

    Joad Cressbeckler

    Would be over there fighting himself if not for his wooden leg, glass eye, and trick back.

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  • Ralph Nader

    Ralph Nader

    "[approximately 125,000 words omitted]...am against it."

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  • Bob Barr

    Bob Barr

    Would allow troops to come home, but troops would have to buy their own plane tickets.

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  • Cynthia McKinney

    Cynthia McKinney

    Would immediately pull all troops out of Iraq, disband the Department of Defense, and convert the Pentagon into a carbon-neutral hospital for dogs.

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Former Candidates
  • Christopher Dodd

    Christopher Dodd

    Opposes it. Original vote for the war was just Dodd goofing around.

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  • BILL richardson

    Bill Richardson

    Known for his fiscal responsibility, would immediately offset the cost of the Iraq war with a 53,000% increase in the cost of postage stamps.

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  • Hillary Clinton

    Hillary Clinton

    "I would never have voted for the war had we known it would become unpopular."

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  • John Edwards

    John Edwards

    Opposed latest troop surge and would seek to withdraw troops within 18 months of President Hillary Clinton's first term.

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  • Dennis Kucinich

    Dennis Kucinich

    Supports unconditional surrender.

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  • Mike Huckabee

    Mike Huckabee

    Supports God's decision to tell Bush to invade.

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  • Mitt Romney

    Mitt Romney

    Would unite warring religious factions by deploying over 100,000 Books of Mormon to the nation's most fractious regions.

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  • Rudy

    Rudy Giuliani

    Plans to stick it out until he finds a prettier, younger country to invade.

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  • Ron Paul

    Ron Paul

    Opposes it for some complicated libertarian reason best explained in a rambling, discursive way by your office I.T. guy.

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Jul 04, 2009