Apple unveiled the iPhone 7 at a press event Wednesday. Here are some of the smartphone’s new features:


Looks more impressive twirling inside white void during video demonstration


No longer required to dial 9 before making outside call


Put together by a child

Advertisement


Preloaded with 5,000 unread work emails


Lets user set which government agency their data funneled to


New retina display that can only be fully appreciated after laser surgery to enhance vision beyond capabilities of human eyes

Advertisement


Siri will no longer refer to Russia as the U.S.S.R.


Can get a case for it, if you want


Will combust if in the presence of wires

Advertisement


Glass now fractures into even smaller, sharper pieces


Exclusively compatible with Cricket Wireless


Expiration date printed on back allows easy disposal before next iPhone released

Advertisement