Pet Eligibles

Critters Who Need Good Homes

Archive Feature • ISSUE 29•24 • Jul 23, 1996

Maggie, a six-year old Australian Shepherd mix, has an unbelievable tongue that's eager to lick gravy off anything; maybe even you! Loves kids. Max ...

Sports

Archive Feature • ISSUE 29•24 • Jul 23, 1996

Olympic mascot Izzy is at it again! When he's not appearing in corporate product placements, he's teaching kids worldwide that America has no ...

Sports

Archive Feature • ISSUE 29•21 • Jun 18, 1996

Royals pitcher Bob Reed hurled a no-hitter Monday, greatly increasing his chances of obtaining sexual favors this week in the Kansas City metropolitan area.

Sports

Archive Feature • ISSUE 29•20 • Jun 4, 1996

Drunk Of The Week

MITCH MELUM

Archive Feature • ISSUE 24•16 • Dec 6, 1993

Alcohol is EVIL! Congratulations to The Onion’sDRUNK of the WEEKMITCH MELUMMitch earned his place among Madison’s most honored drunks by head-butting an innocent ...