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New York, NY—In a dramatic turn for the 2012 presidential race, comatose former congressman John Clarkson threw his hat into the ring for the ...

Early Polls Indicate 44% of Respondents Saying "It's about damn time" and 32% Wishing For A Kick Instead of Punch NEW YORK, NY (October ...

Onion News Network To Broadcast Planet's Final Moments NEW YORK, NY (September 29, 2011) - With a giant asteroid expected to hit Earth on October ...

NEW YORK, NY – September 22, 2012 – Following record-breaking ratings for Ashton Kutcher's premiere on CBS's Two And A Half Men this week, a ...

"Onion Destitute Channel" Will Cater To Growing Demographic Of Americans Living In Poverty NEW YORK, NY (September 15, 2011) - Following this week's report from ...

Perry To Make Executing Prisoners Central Campaign Theme NEW YORK, NY (SEPTEMBER 8, 2011) - In response to the raucous applause he received for proudly defending ...

Network To Air Exclusive Pre-Natal Interview With Singer's Fetus New York, NY (August 31, 2011) - Just days after the announcement of pop megastar Beyonce ...

New York, NY (August 25, 2011) - Natural disasters are sweeping the East Coast of our great nation: An Earthquake struck Tuesday afternoon in Virginia, and ...

Motorcycle! Motorcycle! Motorcycle! is a fast-paced news and current affairs program devoted to bringing you the latest need-to-know information about awesome motorcycles.

Protesters in Florida waved signs decrying gay adoption for subjecting the children of same-sex parents to horrible, bigoted protesters like themselves.

People began to give up on the American Dream almost from the time it was created. Below, a letter from a riverboat porter written in ...

A special message from Mayor Sue Hallinan: "Just wanted to let folks know that there's going to be a whole bunch of commotion down ...

Earlier this week Vice President Joe Biden replaced his traditional Secret Service detail with a team of sexy female bodyguards.

Race car driver, Jeff Gordon's new charity organization, Zoom Through Reading, aims to teach Jeff Gordon to read.

The Damaged Women's Coalition released this statement denying that they marched on the Capitol Friday at 2 a.m.

Following this week's freak release of 34 Heigl films, Sony executives were quick to remind the public that the widespread hospitalizations were a result ...

With the help of viewers like you, the Onion News Network was able to join the fight of patriot Kyle Johnson and get his Spanish ...

FEMA has just released the following advisory for residents in ord near the deadly BBQ cloud: 

After years of rising tensions, representatives of Washington and Real America have finally entered diplomatic talks. Here’s what some of our viewers had to ...