I Just Want To Say That I Hated Every Moment Of That Piece-Of-Shit ShowCommentary • ISSUE 47•50 ISSUE 47•23 • Jun 7, 2011 By Oprah Winfrey
Let's Just Go Ahead And Assume We've Learned The Lessons Of The Gabrielle Giffords ShootingCommentary • ISSUE 47•50 ISSUE 47•21 • May 24, 2011 By Ellen Crawford-Price
Fiscally I'm A Right-Wing Nutjob, But On Social Issues I'm Fucking Insanely LiberalCommentary • ISSUE 47•20 • May 19, 2011 By Larry Boudrias
It Pleases Me To Announce The Elevation And Coronation Of Hammond Morris, The Onion's New Advertising CzarCommentary • ISSUE 47•19 • May 12, 2011 By T. Herman Zweibel, Publisher Emeritus (photo circa 1911)
The White Nation Will Never Resume Its Rightful Place Until One Of Us Learns How To Make A Decent WebsiteCommentary • ISSUE 47•18 • May 3, 2011 By Rocky J. Suhayda, Chairman, American Nazi Party
If I Could Have Any Superpower, It'd Definitely Be InvisibilityCommentary • ISSUE 47•17 • Apr 26, 2011 By Superman
Well, Folks, It Appears Some Shithead Down There Is Shining A Laser Pointer Into The Cockpit And We're About To CrashCommentary • ISSUE 47•50 ISSUE 47•15 • Apr 12, 2011 By Capt. Denny MacMillon
Goddamn It, The Neighbors Are Silently Going At It Again, I ImagineCommentary • ISSUE 47•14 • Apr 5, 2011 By Harold Rowland
At My Age, I Just Can't Compete With The Younger, Competent Guys I Work WithCommentary • ISSUE 47•12 • Mar 22, 2011 By Don Rayner
Your Obsessive Love Or Hatred Of Me Means Nothing In The Grand Scheme Of Geological TimeCommentary • ISSUE 47•11 • Mar 15, 2011 By Justin Bieber
Hey, Man, I Totally Get It; I'd Watch A 2-Hour 'Biggest Loser' Special, TooCommentary • ISSUE 47•10 • Mar 10, 2011 By A Collection Of Nabokov's Short Stories
Governor Walker Should Be Flogged For His Inability To Control His UnderlingsCommentary • ISSUE 47•08 • Feb 24, 2011 By T. Herman Zweibel, Publisher Emeritus (photo circa 1911)
Who's Ready For Some Oscars!Commentary • ISSUE 47•08 • Feb 24, 2011 By Jackie Harvey – The Outside Scoop
And To Think, No One Believed A Website That Puts People In Dangerous Physical And Sexual Situations Could SucceedCommentary • ISSUE 47•50 ISSUE 47•07 • Feb 17, 2011 By Craig Newmark, Founder, Craigslist
What's This Nonsense About Being Able To Laugh At One's Self?Commentary • ISSUE 47•06 • Feb 8, 2011 By Albert Humphrey
I've Got You Dumb Motherfuckers Eating Right Out Of My HandCommentary • ISSUE 47•50 ISSUE 47•05 • Feb 1, 2011 By John Lasseter, Chief Creative Officer, Pixar
Honey, I'm Not Going To Stand Here And Debate The Merits Of The First Two B-52's LPs In Front Of The Whole SupermarketCommentary • ISSUE 47•04 • Jan 27, 2011 By William T. Mayhew
It Seems The Hunter Has Become Arrested For Not Having A Gun LicenseCommentary • ISSUE 47•50 ISSUE 47•04 • Jan 25, 2011 By Rick Knepshield
In My Professional Medical Opinion, Pick At ItCommentary • ISSUE 47•03 • Jan 20, 2011 By Dr. Russell Mantz, M.D.
Commentary
I Just Want To Say That I Hated Every Moment Of That Piece-Of-Shit Show
Let's Just Go Ahead And Assume We've Learned The Lessons Of The Gabrielle Giffords Shooting
Fiscally I'm A Right-Wing Nutjob, But On Social Issues I'm Fucking Insanely Liberal
It Pleases Me To Announce The Elevation And Coronation Of Hammond Morris, The Onion's New Advertising Czar
The White Nation Will Never Resume Its Rightful Place Until One Of Us Learns How To Make A Decent Website
If I Could Have Any Superpower, It'd Definitely Be Invisibility
The House Of B Must Continue
Well, Folks, It Appears Some Shithead Down There Is Shining A Laser Pointer Into The Cockpit And We're About To Crash
Goddamn It, The Neighbors Are Silently Going At It Again, I Imagine
At My Age, I Just Can't Compete With The Younger, Competent Guys I Work With
Your Obsessive Love Or Hatred Of Me Means Nothing In The Grand Scheme Of Geological Time
Hey, Man, I Totally Get It; I'd Watch A 2-Hour 'Biggest Loser' Special, Too
Governor Walker Should Be Flogged For His Inability To Control His Underlings
Who's Ready For Some Oscars!
And To Think, No One Believed A Website That Puts People In Dangerous Physical And Sexual Situations Could Succeed
What's This Nonsense About Being Able To Laugh At One's Self?
I've Got You Dumb Motherfuckers Eating Right Out Of My Hand
Honey, I'm Not Going To Stand Here And Debate The Merits Of The First Two B-52's LPs In Front Of The Whole Supermarket
It Seems The Hunter Has Become Arrested For Not Having A Gun License
In My Professional Medical Opinion, Pick At It