I Love Being a HostageCommentary • ISSUE 30•11 • Oct 22, 1996 By Katherine Halberd, Via private diplomatic channels
Drop Dead, Every Last One of You!Commentary • ISSUE 30•11 • Oct 22, 1996 By T. Herman Zweibel, Publisher Emeritus (photo circa 1911)
Look at Me, I'm Doin' Tricks!Commentary • ISSUE 30•11 • Oct 22, 1996 By Orson Toffleson, Master Trickster
The Onion Was A Merry Place In My Day!Commentary • ISSUE 30•10 • Oct 16, 1996 By T. Herman Zweibel, Publisher Emeritus (photo circa 1911)
Who Will Win the Base-Ball Matches?Commentary • ISSUE 30•09 • Oct 9, 1996 By T. Herman Zweibel, Publisher Emeritus (photo circa 1911)
I Saw Fabio at RomantiCon '96!Commentary • ISSUE 30•09 • Oct 9, 1996 By Jean Teasdale – A Room Of Jean's Own
Rudy Vallee is Corrupting Our Nation's YouthCommentary • ISSUE 30•08 • Oct 2, 1996 By T. Herman Zweibel, Publisher Emeritus (photo circa 1911)
I Have Not Eaten Since 1978Commentary • ISSUE 30•07 • Sep 25, 1996 By T. Herman Zweibel, Publisher Emeritus (photo circa 1911)
How We Made It Through The Great RecessionCommentary • ISSUE 30•07 • Sep 25, 1996 By James Waltrip, Investment Banker, Tanner & Reamish
I Despise Our Local Weather CoverageCommentary • ISSUE 30•07 • Sep 25, 1996 By Marianne Reedy, Television Enthusiast
The First Wife's Club Had Divorced Women In ItCommentary • ISSUE 30•07 • Sep 25, 1996 By Archie "Arch" Danielson – The Silver Screen
Blind People Are Faking ItCommentary • ISSUE 30•06 • Sep 18, 1996 By Rutherford B. Lyke – Telling It Lyke It Is
I Think I May Have Had Sex Just NowCommentary • ISSUE 30•06 • Sep 18, 1996 By T. Herman Zweibel, Publisher Emeritus (photo circa 1911)
Burt Reynolds Lives Like a PrincessCommentary • ISSUE 30•05 • Sep 11, 1996 By Lancio, Onion Gossip Columnist
This Casual Day Thing Has Gone Too FarCommentary • ISSUE 30•05 • Sep 11, 1996 By Thomas Mayhew, ComTel Industries<BR>Accounting Division
Commentary
I Love Being a Hostage
Drop Dead, Every Last One of You!
Look at Me, I'm Doin' Tricks!
The Onion Was A Merry Place In My Day!
Two Pack Shaker Is Dead!
I Enjoy Being a Battery
Who Will Win the Base-Ball Matches?
Me An' Cletus Is A-Feudin'
I Saw Fabio at RomantiCon '96!
Rudy Vallee is Corrupting Our Nation's Youth
I Would Like To Win a Prize
I Have Not Eaten Since 1978
How We Made It Through The Great Recession
I Despise Our Local Weather Coverage
The First Wife's Club Had Divorced Women In It
Blind People Are Faking It
I Think I May Have Had Sex Just Now
I'm Sorry, Jesus
Burt Reynolds Lives Like a Princess
This Casual Day Thing Has Gone Too Far