Now that he’s dead, The Onion would like it to be known that every anonymous source ever quoted in this paper was this one ...

The Onion got all excited last week after we thought we discovered a septapus, but it turns out it was just a regular dumb octopus ...

In Wednesday’s article about the double shooting on Oakwood Avenue, the order of the crimes was accidentally reversed. It was murder, then suicide. The ...

In Tuesday’s issue, <i>The Onion</i> referred to a six-pack of soda as “half-a-duz metal fizz barrels roped together with plastic string.” <i ...

The misspelling of the word “hibiscus” in last Sunday’s Home & Garden section was not a mistake, but rather part of a sprawling logic puzzle ...

Wednesday’s issue contained 14 factual errors. Deal with it.

In last Friday’s gossip column on gay celebrities, Henry Kissinger should have instead been listed as bisexual.

Whoa, hold on. Sorry about that—we gave you the wrong directions. Just head east on Reeve St.

We would like to apologize for stating last week that The Onion is “bigger than Jesus.” What we meant to imply is that The Onion ...

In Sunday’s Obituaries section, we accidentally printed the names of everyone who hadn’t died.

You people say what you want, but tomatoes are a goddamn vegetable. The Onion regrets nothing.

Last Monday The Onion stated that it was a holiday when, in fact, it wasn’t. We apologize to all those who lost their jobs.

In Tuesday's article on self-defense, The Onion incorrectly reported the location of the "kill spot." It is actually 3 inches to the left, and ...

Due to a misprint, the brainteaser in Sunday's issue was unsolvable. The Onion apologizes to anyone who was driven irreversibly mad.

Last week, The Onion reported that all our troubles are over, when in fact all is lost. We regret the error.

Tuesday's issue of The Onion mistakenly printed the page number 13 instead of doing the hotel thing and skipping from 12 to 14.

Last week The Onion incorrectly reported that the final issue of the classic Iron Man alcoholism storyline was issue 127.

Last week this publication announced it was moving New York to Chicago. That statement was incorrect.

Last week's food section included a recipe for meatless chili, but it turns out meat is pretty important for chili not to taste terrible.

In last Thursday's issue, there were several instances in which The Onion mistakenly referred to a restaurant as a "fooding house." The Onion regrets ...