Jesus, we messed up—we messed up big time. Oh, God, we didn't mean to do it, okay? It just happened.

The debut of the new column "Phyllisophically Speaking" did not any contain philosophy, nor was it penned by someone named Phyllis.

Recently, this paper advised owners of Columbia fleece jackets that such garments should only be air-dried.

The Onion Magazine would like to retract tip three from our Sept. 4 back-to-school fashion issue.

Last night we pushed a man into the printing press. The Onion regrets any dark stripes covering the left side of your page.

The Onion incorrectly reported that police are investigating a homicide at 1 Regent Square. The crime was in fact regicide.

The Onion apologizes for running a hand-drawn image of Mitt Romney eating eggs at a New Hampshire diner yesterday, but those vultures at Getty wanted ...

In last week's column on where to find the best end-of-summer deals, the recommendations for lawn furniture bargains at Target were misattributed to Harvard ...

After we finally had to admit that no amount of tears and pleading would ever bring Chicago resident Greg Yaffe back, The Onion has officially ...

In regard to last week's coverage of the mall shooting that left nine dead, The Onion apologizes for focusing more on all the great ...

Last week, The Onion misspelled the name of presidential adviser David Plouffe. On the plus side, it was our paper's 10,000th error!

An advertisement for Cash 'N' Carry last week listed the sale price for a six-pack of Smirnoff Ice as $5.99 while forgetting to mention ...

An article in last week's edition of The Onion entitled "What To Do With All Those Fresh Cherries" neglected to mention putting one over ...

Last week The Onion reported that a comment was vintage Jason, when it was actually vintage Phil.

While The Onion would have more than enough integrity to admit a mistake if it had made one, its commitment to flawless

Our coverage of the president's recent speech at the State Department failed to mention Barack Hussein Obama's full name.

The Onion got cold feet last week about publishing an exposé on Mexican drug lord Chuy "The Killer" Muñoz.

In last week's crossword puzzle, every space was blacked out. In The Onion's defense, everyone solved it.

In exactly 73 days, The Onion will misspell Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia's name, and no matter what happens, there's nothing anyone can ...

Last week we reported that our resident bridge columnist Mort Numan was on vacation. Turns out he had actually fallen into a diabetic coma and ...