In Paula Polite's Wednesday column, she wrote that diners must switch from a salad fork to a shrimp fork if seafood surpasses 20 percent ...

The pipe bomb schematic printed in last week's "Crafts" column will explode prematurely, killing anyone attempting to construct it.

Last week we forgot to include homoerotic undertones in our piece on high school wrestling. The Onion regrets the omission.

The UPC code sequence on last week's print issue read thin black line, thin white line, thin black line, thick white line, thick black ...

In last week's article about the reality show America's No. 1 Dancer, we described the sequence of contestant Casey Mendez's dance as ...

The Onion correctly stated that camels have three eyelids per eye to protect themselves from blowing desert sand; however, it should not have been the ...

Yesterday we incorrectly printed the date Thursday, Nov. 12, instead of Friday, Nov. 13. The Onion apologizes to those who thought they were getting a ...

Given history's mostly favorable judgment of Abraham Lincoln, The Onion would like to rescind its 1864 endorsement 

In all previous issues, we mistakenly described The Onion as a newspaper, rather than as the lifestyle platform it clearly is.

A sequence of characters in last week's Onion evidently marked the first-ever print appearance of the One True Name of God Almighty.

The Onion apologizes for the content of yesterday's Lockhorns comic panel. We respect the institution of marriage, and condemn any attempt to disgrace it ...

In last Sunday's kids' section, we were wrong to print as a definitive fact the idea that babies are brought into the world by ...

In Wednesday's article on Baron Von Hate, The Onion wrote, "All fear Baron Von Hate." This is factually incorrect; Captain Paradise isn't afraid ...

In our Aug. 27 issue, we erroneously reported that ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny. In actual fact, while superficial similarities between a species' stages of embryonic development ...

There are 13 holes in every saltine cracker, not 15. The Onion regrets the error.

The Onion recently ran photos of a staff member's 18-month-old niece. We regret there aren't more pictures of that adorable child.

The Onion forgot to capitalize "South American" in a story about South American mangoes last week.

Last week The Onion incorrectly reported that the final issue of the classic Iron Man alcoholism storyline was issue No.

The Onion recently misquoted Aristophanes. Like any of you would have known but for our unflagging commitment to honesty.

In last Sunday's editorial about race, The Onion should not have avoided any real discussion about race.