Your desire for a belt of human nipples wanes when you are told where human nipples come from.
You will be torn between finishing your heating and air-conditioning degree and earning big money right away in the thriving HVAC field.
You foolishly disregard the old saying about buying pigs in pokes, explaining that the pokes were cunningly disguised as blankets.
Give yourself a well-deserved treat by mixing incompatible drugs and having an ill-advised sexual encounter. You owe it to yourself for the week you're ...
It's true that people often become what they hate. This explains why you're slowly becoming a pineapple-and-anchovy pizza.
You will soon be judged by a jury of your peers, although finding 12 equally drunk bus drivers will not be easy.
Powers beyond your control will soon determine your fate while you wait patiently in the car.
Your excitement over the new arrival in your life is shattered when it is born with antlers.
Though everything seems to be going fine between you and your love interest, you will be stricken with cancer to create dramatic tension in the ...
Everyone will talk about your bold decision to wear such a revealing swimsuit, especially so soon after the accident.
This week, envy rears its ugly head, realizes there's nothing enviable about you, blinks a couple times, and goes back to sleep.
Those hot-shot doctors may think your colon cancer is inoperable, but this week you and your trusty Scout knife are going to prove them wrong.
Your heart will be shattered by a beautiful scientist who removes it from your body, dips it in liquid nitrogen, and drops it to the ...
Though you are unable to cultivate a reputation as a great lover of women, yourreputation as an above-average lover of pancakes remains secure.
Upcoming events will give you insight into the origin of the phrases "hog-tied," "beaten like a red-headed stepchild," and, "Well, I'll be dipped in ...
You will feel an overwhelming sense of embarrassment and relief when you are told by doctors that the malignant-looking growth on your face is a ...
Try as you might, you will not be able to improve your mediocre putting game. Gee, some big fucking problems you got, asshole.
You will be shot by your girlfriend and shunned by society after taking relationship advice from the editors of Maxim.
Give a starving man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to cook a fish, though, and he'll starve ...
Your life will be lauded by parents' groups for containing no sex, drugs, profanity, violence, or adult situations.