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Letters To The Editor

One More Like

ISSUE 48•20 | 05.19.12 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, I don’t have a Facebook account, but I just wanted you to know that I enjoy your publication. Please add one to whatever number of likes you currently have online. Carly Durland, Binghamton, NY more»
Nailing Hawkeye

ISSUE 48•20 | 05.16.12 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, Your review of The Avengers movie is completely off base. Jeremy Renner totally nailed Hawkeye. Jeff Hauser, Hermiston, OR more»
Involuntary, Emergency Medication

ISSUE 48•18 | 05.05.12 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, Hey, I need you to settle a debate for me: At what point do the effects of involuntary, emergency medication force one to consign their medical decisions to a loved one or guardian, or are all such considerations outweighed by an individua... more»
Mailing Address

ISSUE 48•19 | 05.02.12 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, Yay! I finally found your mailing address! Lenora Williams, Stanford, CT more»
Enlightening Documents

ISSUE 48•16 | 04.21.12 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, I recently stumbled across some documents at work that your readers might find enlightening. Let me know if you’d like to have a look at them. Thank you. L. Panetta, Arlington, VA more»
Buck Up

ISSUE 48•16 | 04.18.12 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, I totally got what you guys were saying about each of us having to buck up and be responsible. Thanks. Dave Turner, Provo, ID more»
Increased Work Schedule

ISSUE 48•15 | 04.14.12 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, Due to my increased work schedule, I will no longer have time to write in as much. Accordingly, please publish fewer stories that irritate me. Ryan Doolittle, Riverside, CA more»
Looky-Loo

ISSUE 48•12 | 03.24.12 | Letters To The Editor

To The Editor: Enclosed is a copy of my song "Let's Get A Looky-Loo At Your How-Do-You-Do!" You know a bunch of people, so how's about giving Doug here a break and slipping it into the hands of Ray Stevens or a talent of Ray Stevens–like s... more»
Page Order

ISSUE 48•12 | 03.21.12 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, I find your insistence on correctly ordering your pages insulting. I could still read it, no matter how silly you got with them. Evelyn Bencin, Luzerne, PA more»
Beyond The Grave

ISSUE 48•10 | 03.10.12 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, Can you wait until I'm dead to print this so it looks like I'm still writing letters from beyond the grave? Richard Creel, Eagleville, DE more»
Fracking Benefits

ISSUE 48•10 | 03.07.12 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, We're going to need a few more articles this week touting the economic benefits of fracking while playing down the neurotoxic drinking water and increased seismic activity angles. Thanks, as always! Red Cavaney, Senior Vice President, Cono... more»
Nipple Stars

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.25.12 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, Please remove the stars covering the nipples of the models on the last few pages. Kurt Blankenship, Flint, MI more»
Best Spaghetti

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.22.12 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, My wife makes the best spaghetti in the world. How do I get her to make it more often without having to admit that I like it? Randolph Tiggs, Chicago more»
Weird Smell

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.11.12 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, Enclosed is a weird smell that’s been lingering in my kitchen for a good month now. It’s like wet ham, but with an undercurrent of scorched hair. Any idea where it’s coming from? Jim Winning, Tulsa, OK more»
Cloning Update

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.08.12 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, Where are scientists at on cloning? Since the sheep it seems like there’s been nothing. Paul Goethe, Rochester, NY more»
Injured Bird

ISSUE 48•04 | 01.28.12 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, In my yard there’s a bird that’s been injured. Should I just go step on it? Greg Romanov, Champaign, IL more»
Grapes

ISSUE 48•04 | 01.26.12 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, I recently found out about a great new food I’m sure your readers would love to hear about: grapes. Give them a try. Joyce Babb, Wayne, NJ more»
Pearl Harbor

ISSUE 48•02 | 01.14.12 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, We need a copy of your Pearl Harbor front page to spin around quickly in a newsreel we're working on. I trust you will supply. Robert Stanton, U.S. War Propaganda Department, Washington, D.C. more»
A Bad Time?

ISSUE 48•02 | 01.11.12 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, Is this a bad time? I could write another letter later if that would work better? Okay then. Barbara Adams, Lincoln, NE more»
Super Passive-Aggressive

ISSUE 47•49 | 12.10.11 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, My downstairs neighbors are super loud, and I am super passive-aggressive, so I hope this letter shames them enough to keep it down. Diane Deedly, St. Louis more»
Three Children

ISSUE 47•49 | 12.07.11 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, Once upon a time, a king cast his three children out to make their way in the world. Their adventure will continue soon, in my next letter. Brad Ashley, Portland, ME more»
Indecent Exposure

ISSUE 47•46 | 11.19.11 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, So here’s the deal. I talk up how great your paper is for a few weeks and you agree to snip my indecent exposure arrest out of the police blotter. What do you say? Greg O’Neil, Twin Falls, ID more»
Beached Whale

ISSUE 47•46 | 11.16.11 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, Why is it that almost every time we pick up The Onion we have to read about another beached whale? What is this, The Onion For Beached Whales? Erin Richard, Saratoga Springs, NY more»
Poem

ISSUE 47•44 | 11.02.11 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, I need to make a change to that poem I sent you last week. On line 86, "our final request" should be "our closing prayer." Better rhythm. Thanks! Mandy Stern, Tewksbury, MA more»
Garfield

ISSUE 47•34 | 08.25.11 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, I'm a cartoonist! Check it out: Garfield goes to the doctor and can't get an appointment because he lost his wallet. I can start Monday. Jonathan Sabraw, Lafayette, IN more»
Masthead

ISSUE 47•34 | 08.23.11 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, I really like what you're doing with the masthead. There's lots of names. Must be an exciting place. Kim, Las Cruces, NM more»
Typo

ISSUE 47•28 | 07.16.11 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, I've located a typo on page 32 of the last issue and have made sure to include a copy of the typo in my letter so your staff can't say I'm "crazy" or "that is how you spell Frito" like they did last time. Elise Scott, D... more»
Great News!

ISSUE 47•28 | 07.13.11 | Letters To The Editor

Great News, Mr. The Onion! For a limited time, enjoy complimentary access to The New York Times online. Just use access code: pleasegoddontabandonusnowplease. Bill Keller, Executive Editor more»
Watch Out

ISSUE 47•24 | 06.18.11 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, Watch out. I think some people are out to get you. Namely, my wife and me. John and Suzanne Minksley, Dearborn, MI more»
My Brother Cliffy

06.15.11 | Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion, My brother Cliffy owns a driving school. Sometimes he even teaches cops how to drive fast. No shit. Perry Daives, Saginaw, MI more»