Dear The Onion, You haven’t mentioned the airline TWA in a while. Is everything okay with them? Pauline Spiller, Texarkana, TX

Dear The Onion, Your story about the chimp mauling the owner who raised it would have been better if they just hugged at the end ...

Dear The Onion, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Fuller family! There’s no picture this year because Mary got her face burnt ...

Dear The Onion, My girlfriend and I can’t find a decent place to eat in our neighborhood. Help! Please publish a restaurant review soon ...

Dear The Onion, As a longtime reader of letters to the editor, I decided it was finally time to put my money where my mouth ...

Dear The Onion, You know who’s an underrated actor? I’m making a list, but I don’t have any names yet. Dietrich Brandt ...

Dear The Onion, Why is everyone saying “vagina” these days? Bea Dickerson, Traverse City, MI

Dear The Onion, Your paper sets an unattainable standard of proper spelling and grammar that today’s youths will never be able to live up ...

Dear The Onion, Just making sure you got my last e-mail about clearance-priced Rolex watches. I realize the wording and formatting made it difficult to ...

Dear The Onion, I have a really good feeling about the numbers 4, 35, 14, 25, 9, and 40 in the lottery this week, and ...

Dear The Onion, Miss. B-7? Colin Ware, Perry, NY

Dear The Onion, This is a reminder to yourself to pay the gas bill. Sincerely, The Onion

Dear The Onion, Yesterday I had a good idea for an article you could do, but I forgot to write it down and now it ...

Dear The Onion, My eyesight is failing me. Can you start calling me and telling me what happened? I do not need to hear the ...

Dear The Onion, Unfortunately, I have to cancel my subscription since I’m joining a monastery and taking a vow of blindness. Johnny Chen, Vienna ...

Dear The Onion, I found journalist Mark Summerfeld’s review of last Saturday’s fireworks show to be spot on. He was 100 percent right ...

Dear The Onion, I'm having a real hard time today, and I just wanted millions of people to know. Thanks. Bill Daniels, Belmont, MA

Dear The Onion In the future, could you keep those of us who are trying to piece together ransom notes in mind and print a ...

Attn: The Onion, I have added your publication to the list of media banned in my country, and there is nothing you can do about ...

Dear The Onion, I'd like to change my response to your online poll from last Wednesday to "Yes, I believe in angels." Thomas Slye ...