Dear The Onion, It's totally worth spending a little extra money on a good calendar. I have one of Ireland, and May features these ...

Dear The Onion, Last week you published a letter from me—Jim Swanson—but guess what? That wasn't me, that was my identical twin ...

Dear The Onion, I don’t have a Facebook account, but I just wanted you to know that I enjoy your publication. Please add one ...

Dear The Onion, Your review of The Avengers movie is completely off base. Jeremy Renner totally nailed Hawkeye. Jeff Hauser, Hermiston, OR

Dear The Onion, Hey, I need you to settle a debate for me: At what point do the effects of involuntary, emergency medication force one ...

Dear The Onion, Yay! I finally found your mailing address! Lenora Williams, Stanford, CT

Dear The Onion, I recently stumbled across some documents at work that your readers might find enlightening. Let me know if you’d like to ...

Dear The Onion, I totally got what you guys were saying about each of us having to buck up and be responsible. Thanks. Dave Turner ...

Dear The Onion, Due to my increased work schedule, I will no longer have time to write in as much. Accordingly, please publish fewer stories ...

To The Editor: Enclosed is a copy of my song "Let's Get A Looky-Loo At Your How-Do-You-Do!" You know a bunch of people, so ...

Dear The Onion, I find your insistence on correctly ordering your pages insulting. I could still read it, no matter how silly you got with ...

Dear The Onion, Can you wait until I'm dead to print this so it looks like I'm still writing letters from beyond the ...

Dear The Onion, We're going to need a few more articles this week touting the economic benefits of fracking while playing down the neurotoxic ...

Dear The Onion, Please remove the stars covering the nipples of the models on the last few pages. Kurt Blankenship, Flint, MI

Dear The Onion, My wife makes the best spaghetti in the world. How do I get her to make it more often without having to ...

Dear The Onion, Enclosed is a weird smell that’s been lingering in my kitchen for a good month now. It’s like wet ham ...

Dear The Onion, Where are scientists at on cloning? Since the sheep it seems like there’s been nothing. Paul Goethe, Rochester, NY

Dear The Onion, In my yard there’s a bird that’s been injured. Should I just go step on it? Greg Romanov, Champaign, IL

Dear The Onion, I recently found out about a great new food I’m sure your readers would love to hear about: grapes. Give them ...

Dear The Onion, We need a copy of your Pearl Harbor front page to spin around quickly in a newsreel we're working on. I ...