Dear The Onion, Is America turning into a communist country? And if so, how do I apply for a job at the tractor factory? Thanks ...

Dear The Onion, Please settle a debate between my husband and me—he thinks your paper is terrific, and I think it's terrible. Who ...

Dear The Onion, I absolutely have to wake up tomorrow by 6 a.m., but don't trust my alarm clock. Could you publish something ...

Dear The Onion, I'm thinking of starting a rival paper and stealing your business. Could you let me know how to do this? Elizabeth ...

Dear The Onion, I have just read about Marshall McLuhan's thesis that the forms of media have shaped society far more than the specific ...

Dear The Onion, Included in this envelope is my subscription renewal check. You might also notice a few loose greenbacks—not sure how those got ...

Dear The Onion, I just love the articles written by columnist Lindsay Tan. Her expositions are enthralling, her adjective choices sublime, and her sentence structures ...