NEW YORK—Frosting-covered event manager Karen Debrow admitted she should have known she would fall into the 7-foot cake after she said, “Let’s hope nothing goes wrong” and “Be careful with that cake.”National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•31 • Jul 31, 2013
BOULDER, CO—29-year-old Mariah Brennan quietly told an out-of-service escalator to go fuck itself.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•31 • Jul 29, 2013
LEXINGTON, NE—Residents were baffled by the overnight appearance of several crop circles, but Martians flying in low earth orbit totally got it and thought they were hilarious.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•30 • Jul 28, 2013
KIRKLAND, WA—Vern Hutchinson, 36, wished that just once he could walk out the left side of his room and emerge on the right like Pac-Man.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•30 • Jul 26, 2013
TORRANCE, CA—It just wouldn’t be a Tuesday morning if a car didn’t crash through the front of Sam’s Diner.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•30 • Jul 24, 2013
KANSAS CITY, MO—Now that Jerry Bell, 37, has all these rock-hard abs, he has no idea what to do with them.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•30 • Jul 22, 2013
LANCASTER, PA—A stuffed rabbit decided to make a life in the Denny’s booth where it was left.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•29 • Jul 21, 2013
ST. LOUIS—Kelly Hader was so thrilled to be getting home early from work she completely forgot she had tickets to a Jackson Browne concert.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•29 • Jul 19, 2013
PARSIPPANY, NJ—It took nearly a whole weekend’s worth of research, but Katie Stahl determined that her kitty is indeed the neighborhood’s fluffiest.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•26 • Jun 28, 2013
STAMFORD, CT—A momentary frenzy gripped the fourth floor of the Tri-State Insurance Company after several employees thought they overheard someone say “donut.”National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•26 • Jun 26, 2013
DELAFIELD, WI—Ice cream truck driver Robert Shaw, 35, made sure no adults were watching before leading some kids in a chase around the cul-de-sac.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•26 • Jun 24, 2013
TUCSON, AZ—While Keith Toney is perfectly content as a crane operator, he would really love to be one of those guys who drives around a car that looks like a thing.National News Highlights • Jun 23, 2013
NEW YORK—Although no one could tell, Barbara Smith, 52, was actually a tourist walking the streets of New York and not some cool local.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•25 • Jun 21, 2013
PAOLI, PA—Veteran firefighters Ken Mazda, 51, and Tom Gerbode, 44, took turns rescuing themselves from a burning building before listlessly putting out the flames.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•25 • Jun 19, 2013
SAN FRANCISCO—After listening to a couple arguing on the street, Kevin Avery yelled a sensible solution out his fourth-floor window.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•25 • Jun 17, 2013
BOISE, ID—Idaho lawmakers asked Montana for some of its western land today so they both could be more rectangular, but so far they haven’t heard back.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•24 • Jun 16, 2013
LEXINGTON, MA—The gentle swerving of drunk man Alex Fusco’s Hyundai Elantra rocked him softly to sleep as he returned home from the Vine Brook Tavern.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•24 • Jun 14, 2013
MEDFORD, NJ—Elena Bradford, 33, prefaced a request for gossip about Barry by saying she didn’t want to gossip about Barry.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•24 • Jun 12, 2013
BLOOMINGTON, MN—Josh Rasmussen, 13, executed the season’s first successful cannonball at the Community Swim Center.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•24 • Jun 10, 2013
BILOXI, MS—Sylvester Hurley waited until a reasonable hour to like a Facebook friend’s photo.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•23 • Jun 9, 2013