ROSWELL, GA—Detecting that her coworkers were finding her story about her dream boring, Kathleen Goyette, 28, started to make parts up.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•16 • Apr 17, 2013
OKLAHOMA CITY—Austin Fleener, 12, marked the advent of spring by killing his first robin.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•16 • Apr 15, 2013
SEATTLE—Local house spider Frank watched a family of crickets move in next door and knew the neighborhood had gone to shit.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•15 • Apr 14, 2013
DENTON, TX—Now that Brian Token, 17, is getting pretty good at the guitar, he figured it was as good a time as any to give it up.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•15 • Apr 12, 2013
JASPER, IN—Lawyer Eugene Simmons read the late Edith Werth’s will aloud in his best 87-year-old woman’s voice.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•15 • Apr 10, 2013
HILL CITY, KS—Every student in Lori Scott’s second-grade class brought an ant farm to show and tell.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•15 • Apr 8, 2013
NORTHPORT, AL—Best Buy employee Jake Solomon spent several hours asking people if they needed help before coming to the shocking realization that they were ignoring him because he was dead.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•14 • Apr 7, 2013
BETTENDORF, IA—The Bettendorf High School Bulldogs’ fight song is just the music and lyrics to “Lovely Rita.”National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•14 • Apr 5, 2013
PORTLAND, OR—Excited dentist Michael Prist was about to tell his patient she had a nearly identical number 19 molar as his last patient, but he knew she probably wouldn’t care about molars.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•14 • Apr 3, 2013
DALLAS—Wedding photographer Eddie Sterling got some really hilarious photos of the fight.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•14 • Apr 1, 2013
WINNETKA, IL—Clifford Dabbs, 26, assumed seeing the house where they filmed Home Alone would have moved him more.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•13 • Mar 31, 2013
LAFAYETTE, LA—Kevin Webb’s struggling used car lot was saved from bankruptcy this week by an extremely well-timed run of suckers.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•13 • Mar 29, 2013
DALLAS—Jeremy Davis, 32, suddenly decided that if he ever accidentally set himself on fire he’d never run around screaming like that big ol’ baby over there.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•13 • Mar 27, 2013
CORYDON, KY—After several years of practicing in the mirror, Kyle Long is pretty sure he’d nail the conversation if the TV show Moonlighting ever came up at a party.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•13 • Mar 25, 2013
PORTLAND, ME—While everyone else in the cult is really good at speaking in tongues, Mark Whitcomb just screams out embarrassing things like “Whip my money!”National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•12 • Mar 24, 2013
DANVILLE, CA—For the third time today, wife and mother-of-two Catie Mills entered a room to the chirping sound of a MacBook’s volume being quickly lowered.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•12 • Mar 22, 2013
LAUGHLIN, NV—Excited dentist Vicky Tan began counting down the six months until she’d get to see that Ferreira family’s chompers again.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•12 • Mar 20, 2013
ABILENE, TX—Tom Hammond, 86, figured it was safe to start saying he was a World War II vet since most of the real ones are probably dead now.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•12 • Mar 18, 2013
KNOXVILLE, TN—John Perry, 36, realized he hadn’t thought about Slim Goodbody in over 15 years.National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•11 • Mar 17, 2013
VANCOUVER, WA—Passengers aboard Amtrak’s Coast Starlight train to Seattle were forced to listen to a broken audio recording continuously repeat the phrase “in the bistro car.”National News Highlights • ISSUE 49•11 • Mar 15, 2013
