CARBONDALE, IL—During his motivational talk to kick off the annual candy-bar sale, Boy Scout Troop 1439 leader Tim Hastings announced that there is nothing ...

GRAND JUNCTION, MT—Friends and family are mourning local ranch-hand Hack Bradenton, who reined in his horse to stare across the plains just as the ...

ARLINGTON, VA—Prestley Funeral Home employee Steve Coy announced that, despite eating them nearly every day, he never tires of little ham sandwiches.

FRANKLIN, MO—Watching a televised poker championship, Ben Manning realized that a flush does beat a straight and that his friends have been ripping him ...

CHICAGO, IL—Ancient Studies professor Elgin Strudwick begrudgingly accepted the term "crumbelievable" to describe Themistocles' naval strategy at the Battle of Salamis.

SCRANTON, PA—Disappointed with concert-goers’ apparent unreadiness to rock, Sammy Haggar posed the question to them a second time.

MACHIAS, ME—The population remains stable in this small fishing and logging town as the number of people who leave to join civilization continues to ...

SYRACUSE, NY—Resident James Wagner's long-standing policy of never cheating on either his taxes or his wife was foiled by a single visit to ...

RICHLAND CENTER, WI—Jim McFarlane took three minutes to reflect on his 30-year wild ride as an accountant before getting back to finishing the end-of-quarter ...

FAYETTEVILLE, AR—After another close call, Lanie Middleton, a nurse at a local infectious-disease clinic, vowed to stop dating patients once and for all.

SCRANTON, PA—Aspiring television writer Michael Taft moves here hoping to develop a sitcom pilot.

ASTORIA, NY—An ongoing and exhaustive search by Astoria resident Dimitri Anistonopolous has yet to yield a snack cracker with enough surface area for him ...

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—A study conducted by University of Minnesota sophomore Kyle Bauer determined that it is roughly 10 times easier to talk to girls if ...

BOWLING GREEN, KY—Despite their best efforts, local electronica band The Sweltering just couldn¹t get into the drug ecstasy.

PORTLAND, ME—Non-local bank executive Travis Clovin was confused as to how the appearance of his home and family had drastically changed until he realized ...

RICHMOND, IN—According to friends, area resident Sean Martin can really pound the drinks back, forward.

BOSTON, MA—Resident Shelia Kessler silently calculated how long she would have to wait after their son¹s tragic murder before leaving her husband.

MESA, AZ—Dalia Lewis, 76, politely informed the staff of the local YMCA that she was going to start her own goddamned senior center.

SANTA FE, NM—Older residents were left red-faced after the discovery of a buried civilization, which archaeologists estimate to be 23 years old.

HARTFORD, CT—A Powerball drawing Saturday proved that 45 million people can, in fact, be wrong.