MIAMI, FL—A local man woke up to the dawning terror that he was still Scott Stapp, former lead singer of the band Creed.

NEWPORT NEWS, VA—Used-car salesman Peter Tavers grossly misinterpreted the old adage "sex sells" when his 30-second television spot ran with two dogs copulating furiously ...

FLORRISANT, MO—Planners of an abortion-clinic bombing were forced to postpone due to a scheduling conflict with the Blue-Collar Comedy Tour at the Savvis Center ...

BERKELEY, CA—Residents gathered for a candlelight vigil by the bay, but it quickly dissipated when it was revealed that it was for racism.

UPTON, ME—After months of experimentation and a tense collaboration with local raccoons, the black bears of Upton have at long last gained access to ...

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—12-year-old Flagstaff-based bully Lawrence Womack is hiding out at the local sandstone quarry because he wrecked up Nick's bike.

SIOUX CITY, IA—A piano recital for Mrs. Burr's 5-to-7 age group turned ugly when, during a rendition of "Goodbye, Old Paint," Madison Brann ...

PROVIDENCE, RI—Local scientists celebrated as they finally unveiled the first potato gun that could reach the Massachusetts border.

MANCHESTER, NH—Owners of The Itty Bitty Bakery are really hoping Dennis Kucinich returns for the 2007 primaries, since they're working hard to jazz ...

NASHVILLE, TN—As part of the effort to clean up this city’s historic downtown, the zoning board is requiring Chippendales to add a cummerbund ...

HALF MOON BAY, CA—16-year-old Carrie Grestler and her friends spent a carefree day at the beach today, where they conducted various rites cementing their ...

APPLE VALLEY, MN—Record snowfalls have boosted the amount of fun had by area children, as well as the number of fatal heart attacks by ...

CALDWELL, WY—Considerate abuser Michael Watson, 35, asked his girlfriend Michelle Taylor, 28, if she has had enough.

FARLEY, IA—While in his office, Jesse Wallace, the new good-looking janitor at Green Fields High School, was gazed at lovingly from the girls' locker ...

OGDEN, UT—Several lawmakers are calling for the impeachment of Gov. Jon Huntsman after discovering that the governor sometimes imagines people as giant, succulent roasts.

BUFFALO, NY—Hoping to lure tourism to the region while capitalizing on the abundance of abandoned properties, the Buffalo City Council voted to rezone its ...

HAINSLEY, IA—Residents voted unanimously to destroy the grain elevator down by the town's railhead because, at over 13 stories tall, the structure's ...

JANESVILLE, WI—Resident Duke Alioto did the mental calculations to determine that it would take 35 overtime shifts to get the money to jack up ...

PHOENIX, AZ—Ignoring the fact that they live in the middle of a God-forsaken alkali desert, residents continue to demand more water for their parched ...

EL PASO, TX—Residents of this border town have accepted the offer from the Taco Bell Corporation to seal off the Mexican side of the ...