FLAGSTAFF, AZ—12-year-old Flagstaff-based bully Lawrence Womack is hiding out at the local sandstone quarry because he wrecked up Nick's bike.

SIOUX CITY, IA—A piano recital for Mrs. Burr's 5-to-7 age group turned ugly when, during a rendition of "Goodbye, Old Paint," Madison Brann ...

PROVIDENCE, RI—Local scientists celebrated as they finally unveiled the first potato gun that could reach the Massachusetts border.

MANCHESTER, NH—Owners of The Itty Bitty Bakery are really hoping Dennis Kucinich returns for the 2007 primaries, since they're working hard to jazz ...

NASHVILLE, TN—As part of the effort to clean up this city’s historic downtown, the zoning board is requiring Chippendales to add a cummerbund ...

HALF MOON BAY, CA—16-year-old Carrie Grestler and her friends spent a carefree day at the beach today, where they conducted various rites cementing their ...

APPLE VALLEY, MN—Record snowfalls have boosted the amount of fun had by area children, as well as the number of fatal heart attacks by ...

CALDWELL, WY—Considerate abuser Michael Watson, 35, asked his girlfriend Michelle Taylor, 28, if she has had enough.

FARLEY, IA—While in his office, Jesse Wallace, the new good-looking janitor at Green Fields High School, was gazed at lovingly from the girls' locker ...

OGDEN, UT—Several lawmakers are calling for the impeachment of Gov. Jon Huntsman after discovering that the governor sometimes imagines people as giant, succulent roasts.

BUFFALO, NY—Hoping to lure tourism to the region while capitalizing on the abundance of abandoned properties, the Buffalo City Council voted to rezone its ...

HAINSLEY, IA—Residents voted unanimously to destroy the grain elevator down by the town's railhead because, at over 13 stories tall, the structure's ...

JANESVILLE, WI—Resident Duke Alioto did the mental calculations to determine that it would take 35 overtime shifts to get the money to jack up ...

PHOENIX, AZ—Ignoring the fact that they live in the middle of a God-forsaken alkali desert, residents continue to demand more water for their parched ...

EL PASO, TX—Residents of this border town have accepted the offer from the Taco Bell Corporation to seal off the Mexican side of the ...

MOBILE, AL—A man who was caught on tape brutally hacking 17 Blockbuster patrons to death with a pickaxe was freed of all charges for ...

ALBUQUERQUE, NM—Citizens were outraged today when local painter Ken Tranning dared to use a non-earth tone in his latest Southwestern painting.

WASHINGTON, DC—Congress has still not gathered the will to inform senators from the U.S. Virgin Islands, Oscar Vleck and Elizabeth Pendleton, that they ...

HELENA, MT—Local magician The Amazing Andy's "trade secrets" were revealed yesterday, when his "disappeared" wife was found chopped up into little pieces in ...

WATERTOWN, MA—Short-tempered physics teacher Mr. Seppa promised he would demonstrate the effects of gravity and momentum to the next student who spoke out of ...