BROOKLYN, NY—Running his hands through his freshly showered hair while hanging his backpack on the back of his chair, unbearably chipper little motherfucker Dave ...

HARRISBURG, PA—Speculating that the rest of her day will now definitely take a turn for the worse, local mother Nicole Mendlow confirmed Friday that ...

WASHINGTON—While stressing that he has no plans to mount such an insurrection, Joint Chiefs of Staff chairman Martin Dempsey told reporters Friday that if ...

CORTLAND, NY—Amid mounting scrutiny over scandals involving last September’s attack on the U.S.

BOSTON—Law enforcement officials confirmed today that before the police captured Boston bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, the 19-year-old left a really nice thank-you note for ...

HARTFORD, CT—Unable to secure the services of any of the young women who normally watch her 4-year-old son when she goes out for the ...

SAVAR, BANGLADESH—In the wake of a garment factory collapse last month that claimed the lives of more than 1,100 laborers, clothing factory owners ...

CABO SAN LUCAS—Acclaimed novelist Cormac McCarthy, 79, wowed Cabo beachgoers Wednesday after debuting his sizzling new summer physique in a light-blue Vilebrequin swimsuit that ...

WASHINGTON—In the midst of unprecedented buzz over the highly anticipated 2013 crop of summer strawberries, a report issued today by the U.S.

CANNES, FRANCE—In a brazen attempt to avoid serving jury duty and missing work days, film director and head festival juror Steven Spielberg told the ...

ORLANDO, FL—Citing flagging popularity and recurrent technical problems over the attraction’s 10-year run, SeaWorld Orlando announced that it will permanently shutter its great ...

SALEM, OR—Sources confirmed that local man Paul Gallagher emailed friends a link to an eight-minute-long YouTube video Wednesday, evidently experiencing some kind of psychotic ...

WASHINGTON—Saying that none of the facts quite add up, first daughter Sasha Obama, 11, reported being “highly suspicious” today after poking around the details ...

LAS VEGAS—As O.J. Simpson returns to court to seek a retrial on his 2008 robbery and kidnapping convictions, sources across the country told ...

PROVIDENCE, RI—Sources attending a house party on Governor Street confirmed that the dude with the knit hat has been referring to the supply of ...

NEW YORK—With the launch Tuesday of a massive nationwide ad campaign, athletic footwear manufacturer Adidas has officially unveiled the Adidas Bystander, the first shoe ...

CENTENNIAL, CO—A newly clean-shaven and tuxedo-wearing James Holmes reportedly charmed and utterly beguiled the entire courtroom during an appearance today at his murder trial.

WASHINGTON—According to dramatic new findings announced by the American Medical Association Monday, thousands of patients at cancer treatment facilities across the United States displayed ...

WASHINGTON—Americans nationwide turned to the news website CNN.com today to see what was kicking with their old buddies Dzhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev and ...

WASHINGTON—After a brief two-day reprieve from looking at them day in and day out, Americans across the nation were yet again forced to endure ...