KALAMAZOO, MI—Walter Hodgson, a generally unremarkable Kalamazoo-area accountant, bears a strong resemblance to actor Burt Ward, it was reported Monday. "From a certain angle ...

LAS CRUCES, NM—Vice-President Al Gore expressed excitement and pride over his presence at Saturday's 25th annual Las Cruces Air Show, where he delivered ...

Millions of late-night television viewers were given a rare glimpse into the true state of the economy Monday, when a creepy ad encouraging Americans to ...

BILOXI, MS—Owners of the nation's first riverboat-horseracing facility announced its closure Tuesday, minutes after the inaugural race. "I guess we planned it pretty ...

ESCONDIDO, CA—Need for caffeine won out over intense, searing pain Tuesday, as Escondido-area coffee drinker Stephanie Cutler continued to drink her morning cup after ...

LODI, MI—At the last moment, a cackling, seething coven of waitresses at a local Chi Chi's was alerted to restaurant patron Jim Alea ...

PURCHASE, NY—Pepsico executives are blaming "interdepartmental miscommunication" for the recent $300 million rollout of "Citrus Blast" lemon-lime Doritos. "Apparently, there was some sort of ...

MESA, AZ—A bizarre, unprecedented spinal injury sustained in a car accident Saturday has left local resident Roberto Montenegro paralyzed from the waist up. "Roberto ...

NEW YORK—Talk Soup host John Henson and The Daily Show anchor Craig Kilborn arrived Monday at New York's Jacob Javits Center for the ...

WELLESLEY, MA—Responding to widespread protests, Wellesley College is withdrawing the phrase "Hot All-Girl Action" from its recruitment brochures, spokespersons for the prestigious women's ...

NEW YORK—A major jewel heist was lip-smackingly thwarted Monday, when noted criminal overlord Dr. Octopus was brought to justice thanks to Spiderman and the ...

SAN LUIS OBISPO, CA—According to tests conducted by school psychologists and reading teachers, local third-grader Stephanie Franck is so mind-bogglingly stupid that she sees ...

WASHINGTON, DC—Big-city mayors across the U.S. are hailing Congress' recently passed, $550 million "Please Don't Feed The Poor" public-awareness campaign as "a ...

CHEYENNE, WY—Circuit Court Judge Cedric Traynor, the notorious, media-dubbed "Vigilante Judge," took the law into his own hands once again Tuesday, sentencing convicted arsonist ...

PASSAIC, NJ—Gavin Werdlick, owner of a chain of Passaic-area sub shops, would prefer a different font, sources at Byrd Advertising learned Thursday. "Maybe one ...

TUPELO, MS—Law-enforcement officials and tactical analysts alike are applauding the creativity of drunk driver Leon Frisch, who responded to pursuing police Saturday with a ...

PHOENIX—Roy Cordell, a 475-pound science-fiction enthusiast, strongly recommends you read J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit, it was learned Monday. "You haven't ...

ST. LOUIS—Despite three thorough cleanings this month, the change machine at Naughty But Nice Adult Magazines & Video Gallery has once again become clogged and ...

LEXINGTON, KY—In a major paleontological breakthrough, scientists at the Sanders Institute have successfully reconstructed a 24-piece KFC party bucket believed to date from as ...

SAN BERNARDINO, CA—Kenneth Michael Rafferty was set free Tuesday thanks to the heroism of attorney Morgan Schechter, who discovered a loophole in California arraignment ...