ATLANTA—In its ongoing quest to provide the American business traveler with the most convenient access to up-to-the-minute news, sports, weather and financial information possible ...
SMYRNA, TN—A well-known brand of alcohol proved worthy of its name Sunday as a bottle of Southern Comfort comforted Southerner Melvin Shifflett, providing him ...
MILESBURG, PA—In a pre-bedtime announcement before family members Monday, area six-year-old Stephanie Ambrose unveiled plans to become a ballerina gymnast veterinarian horseback-riding princess when ...
ROANOKE, VA—It was learned Monday that male students in Riverview Middle School’s fourth-period gym class are preparing, as they do before every scheduled ...
UNITED NATIONS—A U.N. study released Tuesday revealed that North Korea is the least-entertained nation on earth. The notoriously isolated Communist nation ranked last ...
WASHINGTON, DC—Calling America’s current ergonomic situation "terribly strenuous on the nation’s lower-back region," a panel of top ergonomic advisors called upon Congress ...
PORTLAND, OR—In a move hailed by environmentalists as its first act of responsibility toward area resident Dan Fanshaw, Exxon Corp. announced that it will ...
NEW YORK—Obese comedian Chris Farley delighted dozens of onlookers Thursday, suffering an uproarious heart attack at a Manhattan restaurant. “He was enjoying our $10 ...
VATICAN CITY—Frustrated by the ever-mounting piles of used clothing, old magazines and rusting appliances accumulating in his name in thrift shops around the globe ...
HANOVER, NH—Meredith Pierce, 33, a Hanover-area elementary-school teacher, is attracting the attention of the art world with her Rubenesque figure and Picassoesque face. “Her ...
WASHINGTON, DC—In a cost-cutting move expected to save taxpayers $50 billion a year, it was announced Monday that U.S. federal officials will be ...
PALO ALTO, CA—Alarmed by the "ever-shrinking security and rights of individuals in the information age," the Palo Alto-based group Citizens For Privacy is calling ...
NEW YORK—The National Society of Journalists honored Entertainment Weekly Monday, giving the magazine its 1997 Excellence-In-Caption-Pun Award. The magazine was specifically cited for its ...
JUSTICE CITY—Two seemingly diametrically opposed figures were compared Monday as evil crimelord Cyrus Darkheart confided to longtime nemesis Captain Freedom that the two are ...
NEW YORK—New York Stock Exchange officials released a statement Monday admitting that the exchange, one of the primary means by which the nation’s ...
ATLANTA—The world culinary community is hailing the ingenuity of Atlanta-area fat man Gene Bando for his counterintuitive juxtaposition of Aunt Jemima blueberry frozen waffles ...
CROSS PLAINS, GA—According to Cross Plains police, a pair of panties was discovered Monday wound up in a bunch and badly in need of ...
HOLLYWOOD, CA—After nearly 40 years of wacky, lighthearted comedic roles, actor Charlton Heston finally got serious Tuesday, accepting a part in a four-hour Biblical ...
WASHINGTON, DC—In its most inspirational appointment in years, Congress named Michael Barnett, a 15-year-old Baltimore boy with Down Syndrome, Very Special Prosecutor to the ...
MONTEREY, CA—According to a Monterey County coroner’s report released Monday, singer John Denver had a shoulder-sunshine level of .27—more than two times ...
