MALIBU, CA—Saying he had wanted to talk about the subject for years but feared it would damage his career, beloved entertainer Dick Van Dyke ...
NEW YORK—Sources are confirming that a sad fucking loser, who many speculate has no friends or anyone in his life to talk to, is ...
NEW YORK—While lying dormant in their 12-foot-deep, climate-controlled pit earlier this morning, the nine Komodo dragons recently purchased by local billionaire Kyle Edmunds were ...
WASHINGTON—A blank piece of legislation that says nothing, does nothing, and contains no text whatsoever has been the source of heated debate in Washington ...
WASHINGTON—Claiming that he had “a major shitstorm” he had to deal with, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly had a guy named Worm sit in ...
MINNEAPOLIS—The National Weather Service is reporting that the clouds over Minneapolis have parted, the sun is shining, and the sky is just a little ...
NEW YORK—Sources close to print, the method of applying ink to paper in order to convey information to a mass audience, have confirmed that ...
GLOUCESTER, MA—Admitting that he has “absolutely no idea how other authors do it,” novelist Edward Milligan, 46, told reporters Tuesday that he’s just ...
CAMDEN, ME—Longtime acquaintances confirmed to reporters this week that local man Michael Husmer, an unambitious 29-year-old loser who leads an enjoyable and fulfilling life ...
SANTA BARBARA, CA—Several cities in Southern California were placed under a state of high alert early Tuesday after a large and markedly destructive wildman ...
FORT WAYNE, IN—Employees at Sapphire Business Solutions expressed their collective outrage Friday at the brazen conduct of sales associate Isaac Schuler, a largely unimportant ...
WASHINGTON—Robert Linder, a miniature man who was among the closest and most trusted advisors to President Barack Obama and several past U.S.
NEW YORK—In a move that has shaken the already fragile publishing industry, struggling retail giant Fox Books officially filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy Wednesday ...
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Heralding the breakthrough as a landmark achievement for artificial intelligence, engineers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology announced Thursday that they have successfully ...
MASHPEE, MA—An 18-month infant is reportedly recovering from a severe case of heatstroke today after local parking lot attendees found her trapped inside a ...
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised ...
WASHINGTON—Following Sunday’s not guilty verdict in the George Zimmerman trial, an exasperated and speechless nation could reportedly do nothing other than wish black ...
SANFORD, FL—More than 16 months after he fatally shot 17-year-old Trayvon Martin in an altercation at a Florida condominium development, neighborhood watch volunteer George ...
CHICAGO—Frustrated executives from the Blue Cross Blue Shield Association announced Friday that they are getting “completely fucked over” by Allentown, PA resident Matthew Greison ...
SANFORD, FL—Claiming that his second-degree murder trial has “dragged on for way too long,” sources confirmed Thursday that former neighborhood watch volunteer George Zimmerman ...