A new scam preys on the elderly by informing them they have died and instructing them to reroute their social security checks to the "Department ...

Ohio police have been inundated with false sightings of college-age girls with dyed blond hair, Ugg boots, purple nail polish, and oversized sunglasses.

Over 75% of an average American's exercise now comes from drunkenly dancing, stealing street signs, and carrying home passed-out friends.

Sex offender Michael Cote carefully engineered his rise to teen pop stardom to gain access to thousands of underage girls.

Onion News Network pundit Joad Cressbeckler takes NASA to task for getting full as a tick on the hard earned money of Americans.

The emergency influx of bachelors is expected to combat crisis levels of good men ready for something real.

Police invaded notorious meth dealer Daryl Krogen's home, seizing dozens of bicycle parts and more than ten dollars worth of stolen paint.

Doing away with kid-friendly info bubbles and colorful photos, new 'TIME Advanced' will cater to adults with an interest in news.

Chilling audio recovered from Flight 1134's data-recording parrot, Banana, contain mentions of "altitude loss", "pretty feathers".

ONN's Terrorism Expert Omar Al-Farouq explains how Al Qaeda's love for the beloved teen vampire series prevented the death of thousands.

Officials say a positive E. coli test prompted the recall, affecting the Wharton family's stores of ground beef, beef chuck, and rump roast.

The paper says the new personalized articles target the interests of Massachusetts residents and final three Globe readers Michael Fisher, Camille Kresge, and Buddy.

Constitutional debate continues over whether public schools should include biblical Armageddon alongside global warming in end-of-world curriculum.

The former third party presidential candidate returns to helm 'The Cressbeckler Stance' and sound off on flannel-mouthed liars from Washington to Wall Street.

A Hollywood insider since childhood, Barrymore finally reveals all in her new 42-page autobiographical coloring book. 

Movie-goers are flocking to buy advance tickets for the sequel, hoping to be among the first to see the rumored scene in which Paltrow gets ...

Congress hopes the Pornographic Media Concealment Act will ensure a lasting, respectable legacy for our nation, unmarred by the massive quantities of filthy porn we ...

Tulane University researchers say Quigley is now able to experience the crippling fear of impending death previously only accessible to humans.

Stouffers says the suicide prevention tips are available on all single serving microwavable dinners whether you enjoy veal parmigiana alone or beef stroganoff alone.

Excruciating up-to-the-minute coverage of some irrelevant bullshit story that has no ramifications whatsoever.