The parents of 13-year old Caitlin Teagart have decided to end her life, saying she can now do nothing but lay on the couch and ...
The office of the Surgeon General holds a live press conference to explain that no one has ever gotten cancer from just bumming a couple ...
Cell phone video posted on Twitter by one of the kidnapped school children in today's Congressional hostage situation.
The new law will remove restrictions on cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol as well as provide tax incentives for seniors who bungee jump off of cliffs.
Many parents bring their children to R-rated movies, but are minors mature enough to see our In The Know panelists masturbating to the adult content ...
On The Cressbeckler Stance, Joad explains how the harsh conditions in mining camps can require two men becoming one.
Star Fix reports on the new "Green Lantern" movie based on the comic-book hero everyone definitely knew about before the film was made.
Warner Bros. will recut the last four minutes of "The Deathly Hollows: Part 2" and stretch it into seven films so fans can enjoy the ...
A gunman at a Dearborn, MI Walmart is holding dozens of shoppers who say they only happened to be at the tacky megachain by coincidence.
President Obama denies he's spending hours at billionaire Adelia Scott's bedside as part of a scheme to lower the national debt, but many ...
Selection of the location for Paul McCartney's funeral is generating anticipation for the mourning period following his death.
President Obama announces plans to deliver a two-hour speech explaining his reasons for granting clemency to Cranberry, the Thanksgiving turkey.
Onion News Network pundit Joad Cressbeckler warns Americans that genetically modifying crops may have dangerous consequences.
A new scam preys on the elderly by informing them they have died and instructing them to reroute their social security checks to the "Department ...
Ohio police have been inundated with false sightings of college-age girls with dyed blond hair, Ugg boots, purple nail polish, and oversized sunglasses.
Over 75% of an average American's exercise now comes from drunkenly dancing, stealing street signs, and carrying home passed-out friends.
Sex offender Michael Cote carefully engineered his rise to teen pop stardom to gain access to thousands of underage girls.
Onion News Network pundit Joad Cressbeckler takes NASA to task for getting full as a tick on the hard earned money of Americans.
The emergency influx of bachelors is expected to combat crisis levels of good men ready for something real.
Police invaded notorious meth dealer Daryl Krogen's home, seizing dozens of bicycle parts and more than ten dollars worth of stolen paint.