Supporters of the Pentagon's Dragon Tank urge Obama to reconsider the fearsome power of titanium nostrils mounted with long-range flamethrowers.

Citizens across Mexico hope that the new Asshole Wall will stem the tide of assholes that visit from the US each year to aggressively drink ...

The President says the purpose of the performance reviews is to have a little face time to make sure we're all on the same ...

Treasury officials say the gold has just been in the bottom of some vaults at the US Bullion Depository anyway, and the government needs the ...

Obama will abandon complex policies on emissions, clean coal and refocus on achievable goals like applying deodorant daily, learning what to say when you burp.

Rep. Iscoe warns gays will give penises to lesbians who will give them vaginas so that homosexuals can marry and continue their attack on the ...

Girlfriends' spokesperson Kelly Ambrose joins us in the Financial Fallout Shelter to discuss why Boyfriends moving in with them just makes fiscal sense right now.

The fire was ruled an accident after a tedious review of thousands of digital photos documenting every second of the five hour party.

Long time fans of the Star Trek franchise say JJ Abrams' enjoyable, engaging prequel betrays what Star Trek is all about.

Uganda's Ambassador is threatening to abolish the Committee on Conferences and author the draft calendar of conferences and meetings himself.

A new Department of Labor report finds personal outsourcing is revolutionizing how Americans don’t do their own work.

China revels in a UN report that found it has the highest smog levels in the world, a sure sign of China’s progress and ...

From the Onion Prison Channel: Prison analysts warn rising inflation could devalue everything from rim jobs to shivs.

Georgia police were so confident Marshall was the man who killed young Janet Kelly in a state bear preserve, they didn't investigate other suspects.

Business Week ranked the airport last in customer satisfaction due to long delays, bureaucratic employees, and overall oppressive atmosphere.

The curmudgeonly Poyuan Wei thinks the only thing wrong with the Chinese Government is that they are not tough enough on dissidents.

Paleontologists believe the intact skeleton could shed light on the bizarre fetishes of this pervert dinosaur.

Steel Hawk Inc. is offering a full refund to customers who bought the non-flesh-shredding bullets.

Celebrity watchers attribute the exorbitant price to the incredibly low demand for any news about Jennifer Love Hewitt.

The U.S. is considering sanctions against the Eastern European nation if it does not reduce the number of unsolicited offers for Viagra and replica ...