From the Onion Prison Channel: Prison analysts warn rising inflation could devalue everything from rim jobs to shivs.
Georgia police were so confident Marshall was the man who killed young Janet Kelly in a state bear preserve, they didn't investigate other suspects.
Business Week ranked the airport last in customer satisfaction due to long delays, bureaucratic employees, and overall oppressive atmosphere.
The curmudgeonly Poyuan Wei thinks the only thing wrong with the Chinese Government is that they are not tough enough on dissidents.
Paleontologists believe the intact skeleton could shed light on the bizarre fetishes of this pervert dinosaur.
Steel Hawk Inc. is offering a full refund to customers who bought the non-flesh-shredding bullets.
Celebrity watchers attribute the exorbitant price to the incredibly low demand for any news about Jennifer Love Hewitt.
The U.S. is considering sanctions against the Eastern European nation if it does not reduce the number of unsolicited offers for Viagra and replica ...
Amivi Gama's violent rise to power has proved that women are just as capable as men when it comes to brutality and oppression.
Made by Pfizer, Despondex is the first drug designed to treat the symptoms of excessive perkiness.
From Onion News Network International: North Korea's space program will capture the moon and bring it home, a feat no Western nation could accomplish.
In Beyond The Facts, we examine how Bratz are convincing a generation of girls that to be hip and beautiful they have to have gigantic ...
Community members who didn't burn to death are struggling to accept the devastating loss of so much premium fuel.
Critic claims The Weather Channel shamelessly overreports stories on hurricanes and weekend forecasts at the expense of other news.
Across the country, aunts and stepdads are braving crowds to get their hands on the perfect gift for the relatives they barely know.
From our Bangladesh channel: The Smart Stitch is being hailed as a revolutionary garment factory that fits in the palm of your hand.
The pardon assures that Libby will not face any more repercussions for his role in the Valerie Plame scandal or be eaten on Thanksgiving.
At a press conference today, the AGU announced it will not even acknowledge Mike Greenman until he begins dressing better and loses some weight.
Rescue crews have been working day and night to free the former first lady, who has been unable to extricate herself from the sand.
As controversy swirls around thoroughbred Ship's Captain, the horse's trainer says people should focus on the horse's abilities, not its sexuality.